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roller coaster scary ride time

 
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Genie



Joined: 13 Feb 2017
Posts: 20

PostPosted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 5:31 pm    Post subject: roller coaster scary ride time Reply with quote

Hello. I'm back. Sorry if I don't make any sense. I'm not trying to make sense. I just feel a need for an outlet of self-expression that is safe. I'm multiple. I have multiple personality disorder (dissociative personality disorder). I was thinking that I would begin a dry fast on April 18th but today I've been eating a lot and am changing my mind about fasting. I need to take this a day at a time and be very attentive.

I am now living with my parents. I am 58 years old. I have been away from my parents for most of my adult life. If you know anything about dissociative identity disorder, you know that it stems from severe abuse or trauma, usually in early childhood. I believe this was the case with me but everyone in my family is in denial about this.

Last Friday, on the 14th of April, my parents went to Florida to visit my father's family. While they have been gone, my young alters have been out and busy making changes. We have been emailing my mother and two of my sisters and one of my sons. We have been pushing buttons, stirring up...well, what I'm trying to do is to stop the denial, stop the blocking of memories. I've been getting rather clever, and a bit reckless, maybe...

The careful, in-denial alter is dead. We little ones are in charge.

I'm a bit nervous. It's hard to predict what will happen next. My mother has alters, too. She has also been in denial. My father is just stupid and ignorant and was pushed, I believe, into doing things that were beyond stupid. That's what I think. But I don't really know for sure. I don't understand things very well... It's hard to know and not know. It's confusing.

My family is playing a game of hide and seek now. I feel like a little mouse but really I know that I am not a mouse. And they are not big cats. It is just very scary sometimes with changes happening very quickly and nothing being as it seems. I want to believe that everything is nice and rosy and pretty. I have to be tuned in to my intuition very closely every single minute. That is the only way I can know what to do. My eyes cannot show me the truth.

I want to think good thoughts and stay in a calm space and maybe I will (I am thinking of when my parents get back from Florida in a day or two). I just can not be sure of what might happen. Maybe a really mean alter will pop out and express herself through me. Maybe one of my mom's really mean alters will pop out.

My mother just called on the phone and left a message on the answering machine. She spoke gently in a really sweet voice. That's how I know that trouble is brewing. That means she's opting for big-time denial. In other words, she does not want to know the truth and is prepared to fight hard to preserve lies--at my expense, of course.

Okay... I'm reminding myself that I am not so gullible as I have been in the past. Everything is different now. My intuition guides me skillfully.

Please pray for me. I know I will be okay, but just please have a good heart for me anyway. It helps.
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Genie



Joined: 13 Feb 2017
Posts: 20

PostPosted: Sun Apr 16, 2017 8:24 pm    Post subject: pretty stars Reply with quote

I would like to mention that my guidance says that much of the trauma I experienced as a small child was on a different dimensional plane and took place during alien abductions. The US government was involved with this and so was my father. The government was experimenting with trauma-based mind control and the ETs were preparing me for use as a "breeder" in their hybrid program.

Naturally, if I start talking about this, everyone has the "right" to KNOW, with complete assurance, that I am completely crazy.

Who cares about the truth, anyway? Why should we care when it is oh so convenient to close our eyes?

I am not my mother's child. She carried me in her womb and gave birth to me but she was never able to bond with me. I am my father's biological child, but not my mother's. My father's sperm was harvested by ETs and they did something with it to create me and then I was implanted into my mother's womb. That's what my guidance tells me. My mother was able to bond with her other four children, but not me. I think it is because she subconsciously knows that she did not conceive me.

Also, I was not "born" on my birthdate. A different soul was born with my body on my birthdate. It was during extreme trauma at age 22 months that the first soul opted out and a soul exchange took place. I am a walk-in. The trauma at almost-age-two was deliberately induced by government officials in order to create hidden alter personalities that they could secretly use for their own purposes.

My father did not fully understand what he had gotten me involved in. The government doesn't tell the truth to the ignorant fools it takes advantage of.

At least, that's what my guidance tell me.

I'm here to OUTWIT the whole God damned system. Think I can do it? I'm so f***ing angry. I am so f*****g angry.

See how nicely I made pretty stars in the middle of my pretty word? See how calm I am? Do you think I can smile sweetly and pass for normal?

My mom has been just about the best teacher the world has ever seen. She is an angel and she is human, too. And you'd better be prepared to deal with both levels if you want to learn from her.
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Genie



Joined: 13 Feb 2017
Posts: 20

PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 11:59 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm trying to figure out what's happening with this thread. I've written two posts that have simply disappeared when I have submitted them. Am I banned or something?
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Genie



Joined: 13 Feb 2017
Posts: 20

PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 12:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

How strange!!!!! And how frustrating!!!!! In between the above post and the one prior to it, I wrote and submitted two long posts. They disappeared into cyberspace somewhere.

Yesterday, I wrote an email to my sister. It was in reference to government trauma-based mind control abuse when I was a small child. When I pashed the send button for my email, there was a long delay while the little donut went round and round and my email was in the process of "sending". Apparently, my email got stuck put finally did get sent.

But now, my internet connection on my iPad doesn't work. The server isn't serving. My youtube works and my other email, which is accessed through a different icon on my iPad, still works. The server is still serving those parts of my iPad. But the internet connection to the webpage from which I sent the email to my sister is disconnected.

I run into these frustrations when I try to communicate about these things.

It's strange.

Maybe it means I shouldn't try?
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Genie



Joined: 13 Feb 2017
Posts: 20

PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I?ve decided that when I post on this forum, I?m going to first open an Office Word document and type my comment there and then cut and paste. That way, I won?t risk losing the whole thing in cyberspace at the touch of the ?submit? button.

When I?ve finished writing something, I don?t have the same inspiration to write the same thing again. Mostly, I feel frustrated about not being able to get my communication across and want to vent some frustration, which is far from being the same thing as what I originally wrote.

When I?m in a higher vibrational state, I?m aware that it affects electronics. Often, electrical appliances don?t work properly.

It?s frustrating, but can be worked around.


Last edited by Genie on Fri Apr 21, 2017 2:20 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Genie



Joined: 13 Feb 2017
Posts: 20

PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This duplicate post has been erased.

Last edited by Genie on Fri Apr 21, 2017 2:19 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Genie



Joined: 13 Feb 2017
Posts: 20

PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This duplicate post has been erased.

Last edited by Genie on Fri Apr 21, 2017 2:21 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Genie



Joined: 13 Feb 2017
Posts: 20

PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:58 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

This duplicate post has been erased

Last edited by Genie on Fri Apr 21, 2017 2:17 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Genie



Joined: 13 Feb 2017
Posts: 20

PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 2:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry...I'm not quick at figuring this out...

I typed the above comment on my Word document and cut and pasted it here. I hit the submit button and up popped a screen telling me that there was a "General Error"..."Could not insert new word matches"...DEBUG MODE...and then there was a bunch of computer gibberish...

I couldn't figure out what to do. That's why I ended up posting my comment three times before realizing that it was being successfully posted.

So, I clicked on the "edit" button to try to erase the extra posts, but I can't see where the erase button is...

Well, at least it posted.

Oh! Of course! I'll just got back and use the backspace key to erase! Okay. I'll erase the two duplicate posts now!


Last edited by Genie on Fri Apr 21, 2017 2:27 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Genie



Joined: 13 Feb 2017
Posts: 20

PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 2:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

The computer won't let me submit a post with a blank screen, so that's why I wrote "This duplicate post has been erased."

Okay, with all those important things said, what now is left for me to say?

I'm tired of typing for the moment.
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Genie



Joined: 13 Feb 2017
Posts: 20

PostPosted: Fri Apr 21, 2017 2:44 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm thinking about all of these things: about ETs, other planes of consciousness, the internet, mind versus brain, the etheric plane versus the physical plane, pranic nourishment versus physical food, dissociation and multiple personalities, holy communion, electronic communication, minds are joined but bodies are not.

I don't know how to put it all together into something that makes coherent sense. One of these days it will all fall into place.

I'm staring at the screen, remembering that this is supposed to be about "Experiences." Well, I did type up my experiences. They just got lost. And now I just feel like staring at the screen...
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