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Prana in Paris
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 19

PostPosted: Mon Mar 11, 2019 9:52 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yeah well that is not the best choices for sure, but it could be worse than that"
And it's not the most processed food either (Sweet potatoes is natural isn't it? beans they are in can but I do not eat those with sugar ..and almonds with chocolate isn't as processed as many other things much worse than that..and I eat the organics ones , those that have no chemicals.
Also I eat bread with no salt and in France the bread isn't with lot of chemicals, it is just flour and yeast and water.

Yeah its not the best but I personaly don't believe that carrots and celery would be better to me, I dont like celery, it tastes bad to me so it will make me more depressed to eat that, and carrots is ok but it's not more healthy than sweet potatoes I believe (in the past I used to have a very cleaned diet..I was often depressive )..I just wanted to eat things that taste good to me, not really things that are healthy, so I think it is not that bad if I am naturally attracted to beans, dark chocolate, almonds and sweet potatoes...as its not the most unhealthy foods.


I don't think it is the diet that influences my mood, but my mood that influences my diet.
I think I am pretty strong so nothing can truely harm me if I decide it not to harm and I never go too far IMO. Actually it is the most unhealthy things I did in my life because I was always obsessed with healthy eating most of my life and so now it's like I allow myself to do things I was forbidden me in the past (like eating wheat and beans in can) but seriously it is not that bad. I could smoke and drink alcohol, eat pastries and hamburgers, I am very far from this and would certainly never go that far . I don't think I have a self destructive behavior. Maybe for a day I ate bad but I go back on track always and nourrish in me positive thoughts even thought it does not seem like .
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Candid



Joined: 15 Jul 2018
Posts: 25

PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2019 8:41 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hikari wrote:
I don't think it is the diet that influences my mood, but my mood that influences my diet.


We're probably on the same page here. I too suffer from depression, and I turn to worse things (cigarettes and coffee) to deal with my feelings. It's a cycle I seem to be stuck in.

I'm finding it sad to recall a successful fast and be unable to get back there. I can feel your frustration, too.

Quote:
I think I am pretty strong so nothing can truely harm me if I decide it not to harm ...


I do believe our minds are the final arbiter. I know my mind is compromised right now and am still hoping a fast can resolve that... I'm just having trouble getting started. You do at least have your recent fast to prove to yourself it can be done.

Quote:
... seriously it is not that bad.


I'm glad to know this!
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 19

PostPosted: Tue Mar 12, 2019 5:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am sorry you are dealing with depression too..
I think this is what I am going through too at the moment.
I tried to overcome it, but I came back to lot of wrong habits again.
Since I failed my audition, I am just like a Zombie again,
I over ate, did not manage to fast and I just stare at my computer screen since 3 days.
I feel upset angry ...
I am exausted to work and to never manage to reach my goal.
I am exausted also to be contacted by the things I do not want.
It seems now I still suffer from my PTSD that often makes me see the world like a very dark gloomy place surrounded by perverts.

I am so upset that I need to harass so much people and work so much for things I would like to do, (like acting in a musical theater play for children that I worked pretty hard, I recorded myself many times, spent days and days on it..) but the director of the play seems to be unsure about me.
Also that I failed so many times this audition for Disney, and they never tell me what's wrong, I have to guess what they want to see in 3 mins..it is such non sence.

Also with my music, I need to harass people all the time and everybody ignore me, I just feel so stuck.

But I often experience perverts contacting me, like in the past I had absolutly horrible frightening experiences with Casting Directors and other people like photographers so now I have no difficulties at all to admit the conspirationist theories that those people are depraved luciferians ..I started watching lot of videos about this than I suddenly realised it is all just so true and I experienced it from inside..Though the people doing those things are asleep and probably not even aware of what they do since they only care for money success and abusing girls... it is the fun life to them, I bet if they would see those videos accusing them to be luciferians they would just laugh and say its crasy..but in the end this is exactly what they do.
THere is simply not any other way to describe the kind of things they do, it is indeed lot of rituals, lot of symbols, lot of depravation, gloomy stuff with no respect for life, god or any good in the world.

Anyway I just do not know why I am writting about this again.
But it really destroyed my life and now I am in that dark mood again.
Also because I am exausted that is it so hard to manage to get a living by something that would make me happy..while all the time I am contacted by gloomy perverts on the internet, even if it happens rarely, like for instance I put an add looking to do petsitting on craiglist and I received about 3-4 replies from perverts...well that is so schocking so upsetting to receive replies like this, it is hard to remain happy and positive after that, it stays in a part of my mind always to remind me how dark and gloomy the world is.

And I feel so hopeless that no one seems to take this seriously, people always need to remind me with all done sentences like:
'not all men are like this'
'but craigslist is full of perverts'
'you have to be carefull'

As if all this was my own fault, as if I am the one responsible for it since I pay attention to it, post on the wrong websites and focus on the wrong men instead of the supposed good men that are different and not depraved and perverts. And that i am the only one to blame since it's my own fault as I am not carefull enough . So everytime I end up in a place with a gloomy man that says to me something gloomy or try to rape me this is my only fault to me alone because I am not carefull enough..and all this gives me so much anger..it is really really hard to not get depressed . And everytime I become depressed this is again for all those things that nobody understands and constantly seem to accuse me to be responsible of.

I would be so much happier if I would just manage to get what I want: act in a theater play for children and become professional in fantasy epic music and so never never never again have to deal with the gloomy world of adults.

I feel like I am facing a huge wall. And I am exausted to fight.
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Candid



Joined: 15 Jul 2018
Posts: 25

PostPosted: Wed Mar 13, 2019 11:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Really sorry to see all this, Hikari.

All I can suggest is that you don't try to do anything for at least a week. Forget about fasting, auditioning, or anything else that causes you to feel bad in any way. Permission just to be you and to feel your feelings.

That's where I'm at right now, anyway.
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