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Prana in Paris
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 63

PostPosted: Sun Apr 14, 2019 6:57 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

RootChakraLightWorker wrote:
Putting aside the obvious effects of electromagnetic radiation (Wi-Fi, radio towers, 3G-5G, electric power plants and generators, etc.)and pollution and noise, there is the increased speed of life and overcrowding, bust most importantly, the lack of nature. How do you feel about that, have you never felt the need for daily walks in a forest, or a stroll on a beach, things like that? Have you ever lived in the countryside? I would like to hear more about your experience with nature, or the lack of it, and how you relate to it all, or what it is that makes you prefer living in a big city.



RCLW

Thank you for asking that question!!! I realise I wanted to write about but never did.
Well I live in Paris.
There is several big forests just near by.
I live close to a big parc.
This summer I was going everyday to the forest of Vincennes .
I also love the forest surrounding the castle of versailles. I just feel so good there. And there is a farm there and picking place and I just adore this place.
Of course it is not the same as living in a country side.
I come from the countryside. I was born in a very small village of 600 unhabitants lost in the middle of nowhere.
But I was surrounded by nothing else than big fields. Just to visit my closest friend, I needed to ride 25 kms on my bike...one could not do much without a car.

Last year I spent 3 months in Uganda, Africa, I lived in the forest there ..there were no wifi no electricity..though I did not feel any electro magnetism and felt the atmosphere was very heavy...
strangly as soon as the plane landed in Paris I started to feel all the electro-magnetism back.
I don't know if that is the wifi or phones that I feel but it sometimes really make me feel good and that's how I managed to become breatharian on several occasions.
I think it is all type of energies as sometimes I can feel inside of my body someone laughing near by, sometimes I feel strong energies but I do not find any explanation to them.

But on several occasions I reached some very strange states of mind where I managed to feel and hear what Wifi does inside people's mind and body..but I just felt I could take distance with it ...It started giving me strong headaches and I heard and felt something very heavy that was trying to force my mind and my body to be divided artificially...Now I do not feel this way no more so maybe wifi is influencing me with me not being aware anymore.

In my building I can feel inside of my body the mouvements from my neighbors living in other appartements.(sometimes it feels to me I feel their emotions as well..even though I do not hear them, but I feel lot of vibrations)
I don't think living in Paris is like living in a big city, it feels like a small village to me. There are forests all around and districts and every district is like a village. it is very different than living in London or New york to me. People still are rural somehow, not too much citizen , at least that 's how I feel.

There are vegetables and fruits markets in the street and now associations (for which I volunteer from time to time) that distribute all the left overs from the markets for free to whoever wants them (to fight against food waste)..and one single person can receive so much from this system (and sometimesthe best vegetables, and fruits locally grow (or from Europe or North Africa) now that made me realise it is possible to live without spending money at all in paris.

I lived in New York, London, Tokyo, Berlin, Los Angeles.
For a long time I wanted to move awar from France.
Well now I realise I am happy to be French and to live in Paris. Because in there, people do seem to me to be a very little bit more consciouss and united from everything I experienced in all those big cities.

Also because a huge part of the population comes from all parts of Africa, and now we have all those refuggees coming from countries in war like Syria and Nigeria or other places..and even though at the moment it is the mess in some places as many of the refugees live in the street, I still feel like I live in a community where people try to help each others...as I often volunteer for associations to help bring food to them ..so I know it is impossible to die of hunger living in Paris, it is also impossible to not get free treatments by the best doctors as the health care is totally free for everybody (but then the issue it created in me is that it made me hypocondriac for a while and abusing medecines and going to the doctor every 3 weeks feeling I was developping a cancer)..and even though I do not really believe in medecines anymore and took a lot of distance with it, sometimes it is still helpful to get an doctor opinion, especially concerning what I am going through at the moment: depression.

of course there are lot of people sleeping in the street while a lot of appartements remains empty because no one can afford to pay the rent in them. And this is one of the things that remind me that something is going wrong
.

Though life in PAris has been really hard for me and I hated it for a long time.
But now I realise that I am lucky to be here, I feel lot of support.
I struggle with money and I struggle to find a job but I am so thankful with all the help I receive from the gouvernment and I never felt so supported .. I feel The gouvernement and the system here in Paris is supporting me to help me to find a way to make a living that would make me happy, while I never felt supported for this by my own family...
But there are still so many people that for some reason , do not manage to realise all the help they can receive (or maybe the system is not including them yet? and touched the bottom becoming homeless, drug addict, acoholic and then angry and upset after the people in the subway that spend their time on their phone and pretend they do not exist, instead of looking them in the eyes...
I often fear that I might become like this, because even though I am aware of all the help I receive, it is also a question of mental health, it seems to me.
If I start to become unable to see anything positive no more, I might be able to touch the bottom myself.

Still I think there is a lot of energy in Paris. Somedays it can be very uplifting and you can feel lot of solidarity..some other days it is gonna drag you down, as well because not everybody is always on a good mood, myself the first. But life is a struggle. So that is why I dont think living in a big city deprive me from Prana...I think this is the energy of people that nourrish me maybe ..with also other things not necessarly always positive I have to admit as I feel sometimes like a sponge.
I have not been to the beach for a long time but I surely would love to go, at the moment I am too poor to go.

But then I really hate all those cars everywhere,,so yeah all the cars remind me everyday that I do not want this system to continue forever and this need to change.


Last edited by Hikari on Thu Apr 25, 2019 12:44 pm; edited 15 times in total
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 63

PostPosted: Sun Apr 14, 2019 7:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I also started to grow lot of flowers on my window and just the view of it makes me feel good..
So I don't feel so much separated from nature.
Than it is different than London.
In 2017 I lived in Northwood in Great London and then Windsor and I was surrounded by a very big beautiful forest there..that is when I went through some very strange phenomenons and started to see many UFOS and I even believe I was visited by ETs one night, but I am not sure anymore this was real.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 63

PostPosted: Sun Apr 14, 2019 7:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

RootChakraLightWorker wrote:
I
I have worked out a simple formula over the years, in my quest for the ultimate freedom. I have been able to reduce it to 3 steps: 1. Buy a caravan. 2. Put solar panels on top. 3. Become a breatharian and drink collected rain water or stream water. What does that give you? Shelter, heating, mobility. More space: no fridge and cooker, no table and chairs, sink and dishwasher, no plates and cutlery, etc. No need to shop, no need to cook, no need to wash dishes, no waste. No electricity bill, no gas bill, no water bill, no rent, no mortgage, no food bill. No expenses, no need for money, no need for a job to survive. You do what you want, when you want, how you want, with whom you want. Play music. Help others. Volunteer. Heal. Explore nature.

Also you mentioned you have been sick lately. Autoimmune in the past and colds more recently? Sorry, I do not recall exactly. Have you heard of the Wim Hof Method? In case anyone is interested, search for How to Never Get Sick Again. The first result should be the one you need, it may well be the best-spent 24 minutes of your lives. The ladies may prefer watch Sky's video, The WIM HOF METHOD Explained - the science & research. I am not sure if I am allowed to post links here or not, so these are the titles.


RCLW

Yes I know win hof but I take cold showers since a long time.
There is no point to go to such extremes for me..everyone has a different path.
I do not seek to live in a caravan, at the moment I could not go live anywhere else than paris because I feel secure at paris...and security is important to me.
I love my appartement, I feel good in it, I love the city, all museums are free and I feel totaly free to train myself into music, painting , dancing with the best schools..there is disneyland just near by and I love disney because it is an other world where we have to be kind and to smile. Even though it is an unperfect capitalist crasy expensive thing, people spend a lot of money to buy plastic stuff that polute the planet and manufactured in poor countries it is true.. well the only thing I am good to is to be nice and kind to people I think, it makes me feel good to smile, it makes me forget my depression and I grew up with Disney movies so it is a huge part of my childhood that is a place in my heart now, it is important to me that people do not forget their childhood that is the reason why I came to live in paris in the first place, because I wanted to be close to Disney. Than I know lot of people would get upset after me because of this, but as I say I am not perfect, the world is unperfect, there are people that makes me upset and angry because they are unkind and aggressive like those working in the subway from paris, but at the same time I realise that to them what is important is to make people respect the rules . And so that is their thing that they fight for and I think it is a good thing that they know why they are alive and found out even though they make me upset and angry to be so unkind even to me as I am not a criminal...and I would like to insult them often. But if they were not here, the subway would be a mess and nobody will respect anything. Everyone must find their place and why they are here but we are not here to judge anyone's choice and this is what I try to remind me.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 63

PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2019 1:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

RootChakraLightWorker wrote:
[quote="Hikari"

By the way, ignoring universal laws or radiation in big cities does not make them disappear. You can believe what you want, but breathing in car fumes all day every day will not go unnoticed by your body. With the logic of ignorance why not smoke cigarettes and eat red meat? Some smokers live to be over 100 years old, so it can't be bad, right? You can just cancel out all bad effects with the power of the mind. Let's all smoke. What good is trying to eat healthily while you breathe car fumes?

I am sorry to see you have developed some type of paranoia. I will guess that you will imagine that I am attacking you. Everyone who tells you anything that is different to what you believe in right now is attacking you. And they want to force their beliefs upon you. Am I right?

That is such a mean message!
Yes I am aware of pollution, the world is not perfect, many people suffer from that, today I talked to a lady and she said to me she suffers big allergies because of car pollution..I myself used to suffer to allergies too but I managed to heal a great part of it thanks to meditation ...everybody is sick because of that.that is why I hope the world will change and people driving their cars will open their conscioussness. For my part I do the best I can, I do not drive any car, I only use public transports , I help to make people aware of permaculture and I do permaculture myself..we are slowly transitioning but it is not going to happen over night..in Paris they distributed free seeds to whoever wanted it 2 weeks ago because they want everyone to grow plants on their balcony, windows, free spaces....I see lot of advertisings to try to open the mind of people and make them respect nature more..Even at disneyland they make a huge campaign to make people aware of plastic in the oceans and so consume less ... many people are just self focus or work so much that they do not get the time to look around and see how the planet is being destroyed. But I used to be like that too and I awoke myself so I know it is just a question of time before it becomes a planetary change.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 63

PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2019 2:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="RootChakraLightWorker"]
Hikari wrote:


There is nothing anyone can do to help you I'm afraid, with your paranoia or with your repeated failures to transition to join the rest of us in our breatharian lifestyle. But why would you want that anyway? What is your motivation? What are you trying to achieve?


That is so so mean
I presume you are that guy who think I am your soul mate that wrote me by private message on facebook?
I am sorry I just can't stand perversion in people so I needed to block you because I hate people that think they see weaknesses in my writings and try to take advantage of it..
I just hurted your EGO so it is nothing that gonna kill you, I think it will do you good because it is not right to contact women on the internet the way you did...it was so sick..and expecially all the insults...
I should have ignore your message but I am depressive and have health issues at the moment so I just was not on the right state of mind to just ignore you and I think it is an ugly behavior to try to take advantage of my depression the way you did. Good luck to you ! there are many women in the world, you certainly gonna find your true soul mate someday Smile
Someone with a bipolar disorder that would feel fine to be called a soul mate and at the same time denigrated on everything than called a psycho and glutonous and over nice fancy words..Smile
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RootChakraLightWorker



Joined: 13 Apr 2019
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 15, 2019 11:38 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="Hikari"][quote="RootChakraLightWorker"]
Hikari wrote:

That is so so mean
I presume you are that guy who think I am your soul mate that wrote me by private message on facebook?
I am sorry I just can't stand perversion in people so I needed to block you because I hate people that think they see weaknesses in my writings and try to take advantage of it..
I just hurted your EGO so it is nothing that gonna kill you, I think it will do you good because it is not right to contact women on the internet the way you did...it was so sick..and expecially all the insults...
I should have ignore your message but I am depressive and have health issues at the moment so I just was not on the right state of mind to just ignore you and I think it is an ugly behavior to try to take advantage of my depression the way you did. Good luck to you ! there are many women in the world, you certainly gonna find your true soul mate someday Smile
Someone with a bipolar disorder that would feel fine to be called a soul mate and at the same time denigrated on everything than called a psycho and glutonous and over nice fancy words..Smile


I am sorry, I don't do Facebook. I am surprised you do. Don't you find it suspicious that it's free? And I don't believe in soul mates either. Also I find it surprising how you brag about having hurt someone's ego on Facebook. You just said before that you are trying to be kind with people. If anyone has bipolar it is you apparently.

But this forum is supposed to be about breatharianism. Why don't you tell us how you're getting on with your transition instead of accusing me here with funny stuff? We can't wait to hear that you did it. No more chocolate almonds and pasta with bread please! But you said you keep changing your mind and ideas about everything. Does that mean that you've given up now?
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 63

PostPosted: Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="RootChakraLightWorker"][quote="Hikari"][quote="RootChakraLightWorker"]
Hikari wrote:


I am sorry, I don't do Facebook. I am surprised you do. Don't you find it suspicious that it's free? And I don't believe in soul mates either. Also I find it surprising how you brag about having hurt someone's ego on Facebook. You just said before that you are trying to be kind with people. If anyone has bipolar it is you apparently.



Where did you see me bragging??? I do not see an brag..I am sorry if I missunderstood, I just find it surprising that 2 different trolls wrote me in the same day..so I am sorry if I missinterpreted and thought you were this person.
Well that is not really nice to know that there is an increase of people with bad intempt then that only wanna cause harm to others on the internet.
I did not brag about hurting anyone 's ego but that person started insulting me a lot and telling me I hurted him so as I thought you were this person I just wanted to assure you (if you were this person) that if anything I hurted it was only an Ego since it is not nice so try to manipulate than flatter someone on the internet by private message to in the end denigrate and insult the person..it is the EGO of the person that was doing that , not anything high..so I just wanted to reassure the person that he was not truly hurt. it was only something superficial that was hurted .
Anyway good bye I am never going to come back here no more I think I had enough, I do not need to prove anything to anyone, I will continue my breatharian path without sharing it online.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 63

PostPosted: Tue Apr 16, 2019 11:51 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="RootChakraLightWorker"][quote="Hikari"][quote="RootChakraLightWorker"]
Hikari wrote:

If anyone has bipolar it is you apparently.


Are you a doctor?
I apparently do not have bipolar disorder but just a small depression.. which is not the same.
I have been dealing with depression for a long time so I went to the doctor ..just to inform you! (even though I do not care what you think) As least I am getting treatment..which does not seem to be the case of many people on the internet.
I am not gonna spend my time here anymore.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 63

PostPosted: Sat Apr 20, 2019 7:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

But I just would like to clarify something:
The people down there that take the time to read me even though they think a lot of negative denigrative mean things about myself (without even knowing me) should become aware that the negative denigrative things they think about me are wrong...and that is their problem and not mine if they are not able to think good things about me (or anyone else).
Because if they see me and judge me as someone who constantly fail, they already got it all wrong as they judge me just by the words they read and that they interpreted in the wrong way.
And they have no clue who I am as I have lot of aspects of my personality..if they put me in a mold and imagine me to be a certain way..they just imagine a fake low reality.
I know I am Eternal so I have all eternity in front of me to reach my goals and I already decided that to me paradise is a world where nobody dies from hunger so I know I am becoming breatharian.
Because I certainly do want to experience paradise so this is what I want to focus on to create.
I believe everybody is here for a reason and I know why I exist.
(There is simply no mystery about my existence, even though people do not often understand it and seems to feel lost or to have a unclear view on why they exist..I for my part, know perfectly, as I decided it , and it is my right..I know some people become upset and denigrative that I know better then them what I want and why I am here.)

Then I take my time, because time is an illusion anyway and as the opposite of other breatharians on this forum, I don't feel uplifted by people that seem to become breatharian in such a flawless easy perfect way

I wanted to show the real truth that I experience: that is not an straightforward path to become breatharian, it takes long reflexions and focus, lot of time and as everything in life: it does not happen overnight.. and as I said (but few people are able to understand this the right way):
I am not someone who manage to stick too long to something..so when I am addicted to something (like chocolate) it does not last for years.. it lasts a few weeks maximum until I never get tempted again, and I am sorry to inform the trolls there that they got it all wrong, because I am not anymore addicted to chocolate since a long time now, so if they just read me failing a few times to stop my addiction to chocolate, they should realise that it doesn't mean I am going to fail for months about it..so it is pointless to try to attack me on this and try to make me feel bad about this.

Also I think it is pretty sick and perverted , and I am pretty shocked to learn that some people can think that talking about a pervert that insulted me on Facebook is to brag????
To me bragging is something positive..and I don't see anything positive about bragging I was harassed and insulted by some ugly pervert from the internet.


And I don't think there it is anything wrong to brag!!!everybody should brag, it is a good thing , bragging to me is talking about our successes and what is important to us!! it tells about our dreams!!! so I find that horrible that people down there can think such horrible things about myself that I am someone who think it is fun to be harassed and insulted on the internet so judging someone in the way RootChakraLightWorker did is totally sick .


I don't like to see such perversion in people so please, if you have nothing intelligent to say and is only here to be mean and denigrative to others.. what is the point of your life? you should realise that if you act in an ugly manner with other people , you can provoke to them sickness and depression...
Then I am not here to give lessons to anybody, but I just wish people would understand this and act in kinder ways.
(But I realise I also often make the mistake, because each time I am confronted to the things that I can't stand, well I react in a way that might hurt some people (only I never insult anyone) ...and sometimes it takes me a while to understand how I hurt others..but I noticed unfortunatly the people that I hurt seem to never be able to forgive me, and seem on top of that to close their heart while it is important to me that I always forgive, even the biggest assholes..because living with bitterness and anger isn't pleasing at all! It changes people in really unpleasant ways, mark their faces and make them vicious...it gives them opinions and closes their mind.
Then I also have a hard time trying to forgive and it never became so hard.
I constantly feel people only wanna use me and try twisted things on me for their own interests or wanna make me fit in a mold.

And I have a hard time to not get depressed by everything I read on the internet and how judmental people are...and especially when that is people that judge me in such a wrong way only because I write a lot about myself .

For instance Yesterday I fell upon a video on youtube from someone saying that people that do yoga are possessed by evil spirits..it gave me nightmares and then I felt down the entire day.
It is just so sad that people are so divided in the world for such crasy stuffs.
Then people get angry after me only because I do not identify me to anything , I could be Christian Muslim, Hindouist, Boudhist, New ager or anything else , I think all cultures and religious stories are beautiful and transcending, but I am none of those things because in everything there is something that create division..and rootchrakalightworker pointed out exactly the reason why I decided to not take 'the law of one' seriously and to focus inward instead.


To me life is a game, so nothing is serious..even people that do bad stuffs, who I am to judge? I am just happy I do not live their life and experience mine instead . But sometimes I become stuck in life as well and start to take it too seriously and that is everytime I am depressed.

I am sorry if I make mistakes in the English language, it is not not primary language.. I think I am becoming quite bad at it since some time.


Last edited by Hikari on Thu Apr 25, 2019 4:27 pm; edited 6 times in total
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 63

PostPosted: Sat Apr 20, 2019 8:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="Hikari"]
RootChakraLightWorker wrote:
[quote="Hikari"



I am sorry to see you have developed some type of paranoia. I will guess that you will imagine that I am attacking you. Everyone who tells you anything that is different to what you believe in right now is attacking you. And they want to force their beliefs upon you. Am I right?


you just got it all wrong!!!!
I just do not share your point of view..Why should I care about preserving my life so much? and seek to 'eat healthy'? what is wrong about eating read meat and breathing car 's pollution? why judging the people that live this way?
Car's fume comes from the petrol which come from the Earth,,everything on this planet is something that comes from the Earth, even plastic and car's fume..it is just something that humans transformed and processed, so why judging those things to be bad?
But of course, I personaly I do not eat red meat and I do not enjoy breathing car's fumes , but I do not judge the people that do eat meat , I used to judge them in the past, but I understood now it was not making me evolve in the way I want to be...people have many fears..and they eat red meat to preserve themselves from some fears...and about car's pollution,
Many people did not chose it.(how could you judge someone poor living in the 3rd world to be a useless bad person because it breaths car 's fume all day long?) it is the same as living in a city like paris... I do not feel like I have the choice and can avoid breathing bad air..or I should renounce to many things I like about the city...to go in the countryside instead ( but I personaly don't think it is a healthier air..now a days it is very hard to avoid pollution..maybe in high mountains in tibet..but in a country like France: pollution is everywhere....)..but why judging me for this? Then I do not seek to live 100 years in such a world ( I personaly think I only have 2 or 3 years left to live , maybe even less) so I don't really mind about staying healthy at the moment. I just try at the moment to do everything I want to do before that I leave this world

and as a woman, I do not feel safe to travel on my own in many places..it is often complicated, so I chose to stay where I feel safe ...because it took me such a long time to find a place I can call home.
And I feel many men judge women, but they have no clue what we go through and why there are many things we cannot do the way they do, because men they do not risk to be assaulted and raped the way women risk it...so they can be more free it seems to me. and they just make it all taboo, because in a way they do not want to hear about what women go through because if they hear it they become judmental or twisted, but also they seem to not be able to understand that it is much more complicated for women to be as free as them. (we have to be carefull how we dress, how we behave, the area we plan to go (the kind of people that are there), also the time of the day (as certain hours like evening or nightfall are much more dangerous), we are even judged on our faces expressions (everytime I go outside my home, men need to comment on my look and faces expressions)..so we are not allowed to look upset or sad or even happy..as there is always a potential to meet someone on our way that will get annoyed by this and will want to be aggressive or violent.. and even if I learned a bit of martial arts and always travel with a tear gaz in my bag..well I still feel quite unsafe when I am surrounded by men double my size that are drunk or under drugs and speak in such violent, aggressive ways and get upset by my existence.
Or become suddenly aggressive and angry because I do not respond to their flattery .


Last edited by Hikari on Thu Apr 25, 2019 12:51 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Hikari



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PostPosted: Wed Apr 24, 2019 6:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

in the end I am keeping posting here...I decided I do not care about the trolls..I know I cannot please everyone..I just hope nobody will contact me by private message no more. (if you try please be aware I am not anymore reading any private messages I receive)


I hate when people take me aside in real life or on the internet..and write or tell me something in private as if they did not want everyone else to know .
I do not like things that are secret so I just do not feel comfortable by people that send me private messages or speak to me when no one is around.
I always feel they try to get something from me and try to manipulate me...or do not want that other people know they try to communicate with me in private.
And I hate this feeling.
I probably get this feeling because I am not breatharian at the moment ..so I see only the worse in every situation.
I do not manage to elevate my thoughts.



And because I like to write, and I just do not know where else I can write safely.I have a blog as well..but I am not sure it is safe either .

Well I am still eating because I was working at Disneyland and so get stuck into this artificial world for a while.
But with everything that I saw now, I hope I gonna finaly manage to be strong and fast very long.
I know I still have about 2 years and a half to become breatharian.
But even though it does not seem to, I feel I am evolving.
Last full moon was quite intense.
I think I got the confirmation this last full moon that I am on the right track .


Well today I noticed that I think I am possessed by at least 2 dark entities or demons.
The first one is taking possession of my eyes and create a constant strain in my eyes so that I see blurry..but there are moments or days when I suddenly manage to see clear...I think this is this entity maybe that made me very sick and often makes me depressed, because it makes me see an ugly dirty world with sad and gray colors .and even though I wear glasses, I still see a sad world .

And I think it is sad that the only place full of colors next to me is a fake artificial place where people must pay lot of money (spend all the money they earned by working like slaves) ..but as soon as you go out of that place, colors become gray and dirty and ugly ...
And I noticed something quite interesting: Almost every price at Disneyland contains the number 666 or 999.
For instance, princesses dresses for little girls: 66,66 Euros, headband with mickey ears: 19,99, Tshirts: 29,99Euros.... drinks: 3,69Euros,
Jewels: for 99,99 to 199,99..absolutly very prices I saw were with the numbers of the beast lol
Even the entrance ticket: 99 for both parcs, 69 for one parc...
Well I still love Walt disney movies, but I sort of feel like I was mind controlled to love this.





The other dark entity is the one attached to my stomach and diggestive organs.
It is that entity that creates the illusion of hunger, so that I eat food and then feel stuck in a world where I constantly experiment the opposite of what I would like to experiment.

So today I ate, but tomorrow will try not to and I will try to only think day by day.
I know that only the 3 first days are difficult, but after 3 days I will start to feel so much happier . I just must manage as well to not scare to become skinny. I don't even know why I am scared so much of this? I think because once I lost a lot of pounds, because of fearing to eat a lot of stuffs I was reading that could give cancer ( I was hypocondriac and fearing all diseases) and working out a lot on top and I became so skinny I could see my bones and just seeing this on my own body was frightening me, I felt I was seing myself dying.

So this is just something I hope I will not experiment again.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 63

PostPosted: Thu Apr 25, 2019 10:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

People that speak to me in private always need to picture to me something depressing.
As if they were trying to change me , manipulate me ..because they would like to take advantage of something that they see in me that they would like to get for themselves alone.

They often are trying to flatter me in first place ....but if I reply to them and do not allow their manipulation, they become very violent aggressive and insult me all that they can...

Recently I was accused by private messages and in real life, by random people to be a bad person, to be useless because I dont do anything to 'save the world', to do gloomy shitty music, to be sinful ect ect...

It is really not easy to not get depressed by those messages.
but in the end , I just do not even understand why people accuse me to be a bad person and to not do anything to save the world? I am not jesus christ, I am not an avenger either lol..isn't it jesus that is supposed to come to save you from your sins? or if you are from an other religion, isn't it praying and reading religious texts that is the only way to save you? Or if you believe science fiction is real, then you believe that Super heros or ETs are gonna save the planet , don't you?
So I just do not understand why people waste their time accusing me to be useless and not saving the world.
I said it many times: I am not god, I am just someone totaly random !!!!.
Then if they think I do shitty music, they are free to not listen to it, but then why flattering me about this in the first place? what do they try to get from me by doing this?

I have perfectly the right to be free and to live my life how I want it. if I am not a good person to you that is there to save the world,if you think I do shitty stuff : become a good person yourself and save the world yourself and work to become good yourself !!! if you think you are better than I, you will not go anywhere by just insulting me!
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Candid



Joined: 15 Jul 2018
Posts: 62

PostPosted: Fri Apr 26, 2019 7:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi again, Hikari

I'm glad you came back to the forum. I sent you a PM but I understand if you're not looking at them. Cyberstalking is horrible.

I don't think anyone needs to save the world, or even that anyone can. All we can do is attempt to save ourselves and be kind to those around us.

Best wishes as always.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 63

PostPosted: Fri Apr 26, 2019 4:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

there is something that depresses me,
It seems Men on my way always need to attack me because I do not have any sexuality.

It is really gloomy because it seems that my personality (on the internet and in real life) attract perverts that are desperate for sex . Because as I am a depressive quite lonely person, they think that I can easily be manipulated, as they do not manage to attract the women that are sexually active.

It is really dark and it is the reason why I never manage to get out of depression because it is like a vicious cycle.
I get depressed when I am confronted to men that see me as a potential date or that try to persuade me that sex is essential to life.

So they contact me and try to manipulate me but there is always a moment, when they realise that their manipulation doesn't work and so instead of just leaving me in peace, they need to be destructive and mean.
It happened to me several times this week as I was working at Disneyland.
For instance, one co-worker locked me in a room with him and started asking me lot of private questions, because he wanted to fake he was interested in my life, as he goes to nightclubs every week end and apparently do not easily manage to find women to sleep with, so he tried with me..when he realised it did not work, I could feel his frustration. It is almost as if he wanted to slap me (but as everything is filmed, he kept his self control)
Then several men tried as well, asked if I was single and so I needed to fake and lie I was not so that they live me in peace.
It is so mean because first for instance, one man was nice to me, but once he heard I was not single, it is like he did not gave a s### about me anymore..He started avoiding me and not talking to me . It made me feel men are only nice if they can get something in return.

Then there were this pervert on the internet, that read my thread on this forum than contacted me by private message on Facebook and started talking to me about spirituality in sex and gloomy stuff to finally insulting me from an other profile after I blocked him and told him before that it was not nice to tell me I have a karma ( he accused me to have a karma because I told him I was single and happy to be and felt complete..then the karma thing gave me a nightmare during the night, I felt in my dream that this man was a demon trying to steal my soul so I blocked him the day after )

I really thought a lot on this...because this is one aspect of life that really makes my life pretty dark.
I feel that I live in inverted paradigm.
Since I am a little child, I am confronted to a world where everybody seems to me obsessed with sex and living only for this.
(my parents separated when I was an early teenager for sexual reasons, and it really disgusted me that they thought sexuality was more important than the hapiness their kids)
But to me it is really obvious that sexuality isn't natural at all and It is nothing spiritual to me.
It is one of the darkest most terrible and horrible thing that exists on this planet to me (with war and animal torture)
I am pretty aware that inside of my body there is a reproductive system.
So for this reason alone, it is not natural to have a sexuality.
Because nowadays, people do not have sex only to reproduce.
And so women must deny their reproductive system and take pills everyday or get a surgical procedure to put something in there so that they do not reproduce .
It seems to me women become brainwashed and need to fake they enjoy being used as objects of pleasure.
Everything in the society is made so that women become objects of pleasure, there is make up, lingerie, sexy clothes, heels... we use women's photoshoped bodys to sell all kind of products ...but none of those things are 'natural'.
And women are brainwashed at an early age that they must enjoy those things and that they must get sexually active.... If they don't, something is wrong with them and they are put aside and denigrated.

And I do not want to reproduce, because I was too unhappy in my life, I hated my parents for most of my life and felt depressed and sad so I am not selfish to the point to want to impose this human life to someone else. I love kids but I think there are already enough humans on the planet now, and too many kids live in misery and are sad so I do not have to absolutely reproduce and there are really really very few chances that I will someday.

Than the thing is that, because I am not a catholic sister (and never will be) well people do not accept me the way I am. I am confronted almost everyday, everytime I get out of my home , to people that try to impose me a sexuality and that try to make me feel bad because I do not have any and do not want to have one.

People accept all kind of people, from homosexuals, heterosexuals, and every sexual orientation, but they seem to have very little respect for people like I that do not have any sexual orientation and do not desire to have one, they always need to be condescending to us...as apparently it is not seen right in the society to be sexually inactive without being religious. And it is not accepted that women remain single and are happy this way without becoming fat ugly and unattractive.
It seems to me lot of men get upset after me only because I look young and healthy but I chose to remain single . I don't even understand why they get upset after me as I am a rarety on the planet as most women do desire a sexual life so they have plenty of choice.

And why do they even care? They try to manipulate me that the reason I am depressed is because I am single while in reality I am depressed because people try to impose to me a sexuality and do not accept me the way I am.
I could only have a boyfriend if it would remain platonic with no physical contact and I would not be forced to have sex with him. Which could never happen as men get frustrated if we refuse...and want to be mean to us if we don't want...or try constantly to make us fall in traps so that we accept having sex being barely consciouss (under drugs or drunk)
And I was accused by private message not a long time ago by some asshole that read this thread on this forum that I deserved to be raped...How to not get depressed by such messages??
It is really sad that men think that some women 'deserve' violence and rape.


Last edited by Hikari on Sat Apr 27, 2019 7:38 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Candid



Joined: 15 Jul 2018
Posts: 62

PostPosted: Fri Apr 26, 2019 10:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with you. We live unnatural lives with unnatural sexuality, and it's mostly women who pay the price. I work in a sexual assault agency and I know some men and boys are raped too -- there are even a tiny minority of female perpetrators -- but it's mostly polarised men/aggressors and women/victims. I can get very angry at the way girls and women are portrayed in the media.

I knew while I was still a schoolgirl that I would never have children, and I can remember feeling annoyed that so many people said: "You'll change your mind." I didn't, and I'm now well into the menopause.

https://youtu.be/KYOQ5XMsbIk

In this radio program, David Benatar talks about anti-natalism. I think you'll enjoy it.
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