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Prana in Paris
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 78

PostPosted: Sun Jun 30, 2019 3:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

a new update:
Well I still stay away from wheat and I am not tempted anymore, everytime I see bread or corn cakes or hummus, I just remind me again about how sick I felt after eating too much of it (but even on small quantities I did not feel right)

I also stoped eating oat one week ago (because I feel oat in my blood flow, as if something in it was poisoning me, I believe it is the phytates or oxalates)

Then I also stoped eating everything that I used to eat in cans so corn and legumes (because I think it is too unhealthy and legumes give me digestive issues + corn is too much sugar).

So all I eat now is mushrooms and 2 fruits a day + Dry fruits and nuts (cashew, almonds, raisins and walnuts)
I would like to reduce to one fruit a day and reduce the quantities of dry fruits and nuts because I think 2 fruits is too much sugar, it makes me fat!!!

I really gain very fast and I don?t like to feel fat.
I think maybe I do not even need to eat anything to gain weight, as I also loose very very slowly (I feel that just eating one fruit cancel all my efforts to loose weight)?.
Than again, I am not truly fat, I have quite a normal weight but I work out a lot and it feels weird that I do not burn all this fat I have ?in the past , like before I turned vegan a few years ago I remember just exercising 30 mins a day made me very toned in 3 weeks.

I am gonna start my 3rd week with no wheat and second week with no legumes, no corn.
so this week I am gonna try to only eat 1 fruit instead of 2 but I am not sure I?ll be able.
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Cipher
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2019 4:00 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

lrU6LvFySd

Last edited by Cipher on Wed Jul 03, 2019 11:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 78

PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2019 7:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ok i am done, I am sorry I can't stand to receive this non- sence messages, I do not even read them no more.

JMW if you fall upon here, I hope you will realise that this is not pleasant to allow this.

Good bye to all of you! Maybe I will come back again in a few years when I will finally be breatharian just so that people know I reached my goal but I won't share about it here no more!
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Cipher
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PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2019 11:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

utoQ9hT1Gs

Last edited by Cipher on Sat Jul 06, 2019 11:35 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 78

PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2019 9:41 am    Post subject: Re: I hope you/she sees this.. Reply with quote

Cipher wrote:
Vvell.. if you read this I vvanted to mention if its the mentioned autoimmune condition I knovv a person suffering the same, a female also living vegan etc. - I do not vvant to give out names though..


Look - I live by this principle that no individual seeking recovery, being vvilling etc. need ever die.



### Incomprehensability of vvriting/communication ###
Vvhen I vvrite in a manner that is very hard to understand,
There is pretty good reason. Even as habit indeed takes over.

Much of the vvriting, the knovvledge etc., involves attachments
suffering, misery, despair, hopelessness - horrible productionlines,
Including the suffering of me.

If I vvrite it smoothly, plainly, so very easy to read - it just slides right in.
But one, the systems of one, does not sense one cannot digest it. One becomes poisoned.
So vvhen its really hard to digest, if one cannot read/understand or is in surplus to prioritize being able to comprehend the vvritten, even as its hard to understand,
then its probably better not to, instead of being poisoned by vvhat one cannot sense one cannot digest - sliding in and consumed becoming part of one yet utterly indigestible for oneself killing and corrupting one from vvithin - like stored suffering passively damaging one.

Its the same everyvvhere; I just care about productionlines and honesty.
Even as I could gain and things like that by vvriting in a manner easily understandable - even very convincingly and attractive pulling one in.
Also to remember that vve exist past the current life and sacrificing oneself for productivity etc. for as long as possible during this life..

Apart from that vvhat I vvrite kind of is not meant to be digested in the form of being deformed and misused in some frame of thought involving extreme denial ending up empovvering severe harm.
It kind of digests the reader in a sense, the truth, vvhom by the vvay typically is like possessed by an existing digestion process that oftenmost involves and is severely addicted to sacrificing (an addiction - its like rationalization of any drug addiction)

###
Imagine that you vvere distancing from vvhat vvas causing you to manifest harmfully.
Vvhat literally causes dysfunctionality to manifest. Nevermind vvhether its induced suffering or not by medicality/research/etc.
Imagine that most of the vvorld is in complete denial about this.
Then vvhen people do things, suggest things, say things, point out things, vvant things etc. that dravvs you in back into this like interconnection, situation, malmstroem, svvamp, sludge that causes you sickness and kills you - or vvorse than in the case of me - draining any good you can do, blocking potential, hindering you living life as you vvant to and is healthy for you, blocks you living vvith integrity and ethically etc.
That is a scary and horrible thing. To a point vvhere I say goodbye to any such affect - at times "leniency" applied in that vvay can make sense but naivity not only can be but for me is extremely dangerous.
Especially, as mentioned, due to the complete denial of many and various situational dysfunctionalities in the life of me causing that all to be extra dangerous (vvhich I am recovering from).

So I also perceive certain things about the lifesituation presented before me,
that casual humanoids simply are unable to. Partially harmful living, dysfunctionality, denial, rejection of responsibility, baseline addicted states etc.
I become infuriated. Desperate even. Especially vvhen things unfold like that and this feeling of being demeaned by circumstance indeed caused.
Vvhy? Because I see someone in similar situation - even if, in a sense, even harder to perceive.
I also need be careful because of anger and hatred people cannot even talk about directed at the dad to me ending up harming me. Yeah I am sorry I vvas born already..
Being killed slovvly, hindered and not supported, able to be healthy, of service, enjoying living, thriving even globally, a long strong life, doing much good etc. yet being blocked from being able to.
And so I really do not knovv hovv to go about that.. I also need be vvary of smart things about angels and old plans unfolding involving some quite horrorsome things I do not vvish to be of any part in. As in very old..
Apart from that I naturally end up, vvell, interested vvhich I find not all that strange - I can vvrite this once I vvrite the part about angels.... Vvhile suffering moral and integrity based issues not really all that perfectionistic - its much about this thing called "highest good"
Hovvever I kind of need care for me, set boundaries etc. - as I vvas hurt quite extremely..
And I basically just knovv I can share both experience, strength, hope, paths ahead, information, knovvledge etc. that not really anyone else can so I feel kind of a responsibility and obliged to (vvhich is cool and all); as vvell as a kind of company I guess there are others out there that vvould be able to but I knovv not if are (please do not misinterpret this)
I actually came into contact vvith one other person vvhom I can link to, apart from originally mentioned individual.


### harder to comprehend..:
And there is externalities blocking communication as vvell as interpreters affecting negatively, sadly part of the mass sacrificing individuals and not so hurt (visibly) themselves. Not to mention damages to communicative ability and various horrorsome life circumstantialities.

This vvill be perceived as insane/is impossible to vvrite vvithout being pointed out as either misreading etc. - I noticed through-vvriting and I knovv not if you be avvare of it; I can only hope not. Throughvvriting can be cultural (collectivity etc. forming a communication to take a meaning for a recipient/through a recipient)
I really though dislike the idea of love/attraction of me being misused, its like one of fevv things of me not overly abused/misused, except attraction part though..
Please do not be part in manipulating me to remain, return, suffer experiences elsevvhere instead of finally enjoying living life and thus returning, damaging me, destroying me and othervvise things causing me to like it here and return.
I knovv the culture/etc. suffers not only ovvnership insanity - its not just about the area, the land, the nationality, the national group, the culture of socialism (vvhich I kind of left but vvas manipulated and forced back into blocked leaving and novv utterly dependent on), the entire vvay of being/existing let alone living, academicality of the institutionalized kind, etc.
Partially its about me being manipulated by generating a circumstance of consuming from an attraction point involving "I am leaving, not coming back" and then ending up returning - but there is a lot more than that to it; been ongoing for a vvhile already..




### An error I did:
Commited error in pointing out errornousity in shared space in front of others - I feel sad I did so.

### Arguing from a medical standpoint tovvards presence of such involved that quite literally is murdering her:
She is part of the solution - looking to the nature of the condition the response to she is similar: sharing, living rightly, going past a norm, avoiding addictive health/continuance solutions, vvillingness, - hovvever its horribly inconvenient, a lot of things sought hidden, suppression of kinds unvvanted knovvn and in a vvay harder than vvhat I vvent/go through as its a lot more standardized even if novvhere as scary in the sense of control and presedence to vvorse than like ovvn a person.

### 1 person I can point out ###
https://twitter.com/gainhealthcamp
You can probably search for terms "vegan, allergy, yoga and kuala lumpur" to find the person.
Similarity point relevant - vvas being killed by standard medical system "allergies" and medicated.
Her I said goodbye to out of need to quit Tvvitter and that I did not vvant to string her along becoming able to perceive that time vvould pass and that internet-based connection vvay too painful/miserable..


I vvas for some reason unable to think that linking you vvould be a good idea.
Basically that linking also involves resistance to the medical system grovving vvhich is inconvenient (its the latest povverhouse and vvay to tell people vvhat to do and vvhat to not do.. - look at history and hovv systems vvith such traits end up applied).


A link to likely "inappropriateness" in a separate container yet kind of relevant: http://breatharian.info/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1112

PLEASE STOP POSTING !!! AND GO TO PSY!!
YOU ARE A DISGUSTING CREEP AND YOUR MESSAGES ARE REALLY TWISTED AND GLOOMY!!! (you erased plenty of them but you posted disgusting stuff of sexual nature) YOU ARE SERIOUSLY MAKING ME DEPRESSIVE SO LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE AND NEVER COME BACK HERE
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 78

PostPosted: Tue Aug 20, 2019 12:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I have not come here a long time, but I think this post is gonna be my last .
I think I am finally breatharian now.

To make it short: I started water fasting for 15 days and it opened my mind on the reality of Prana.
Since then I still eat a little bit but not everyday, I just try to listen to my feelings, if there is something I want to taste, I am going to eat it.
But I always dry fast after a meal for 3-4 days.
Also I think I can live with no water as well but so far I always broke the dry fast after 4 days (but I think I could live much longer with no water)
I think I am an a process of giving up food because everytime that I eat something now, I realise it is not that great anymore..I don't feel as attached as I used to feel to it, I always end up being disapointed by the taste and realise I can live without it.
Even water does not taste good to me anymore.
I also developed a pain in my throat that I believe comes from eating drinking.
And everytime I dry fast for several days, this pain transforms to a pleasant refreshing feeling in my throat with lot of saliva as if it was a hidden magical power that makes me feel hydrated if I stop drinking.

So in the end I did not need to push myself so hard because in the end I believe breatharianism is something that comes naturally if we desire it and it is something that we should enjoy rather than feeling guilty everytime we eat and drink.
Now I try to not judge myself when I eat even though I go back eating vegan pizza, vegan burgers, fries....I just take the moment to enjoy the food in the moment and then take good measures to let enough time to my body to rest and heal from it (because I have become fully aware now that food and water is a toxicity ) .
I see food and water as smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol. And I see myself at the moment as an occasional eater/drinker.
Also the feeling of hunger totally disappeared now, so when I eat I don't eat anymore because I am hungry, but because I want to taste something to see if it tastes like the memory I have of it..But it always happened to taste too sweet or too fatty or too much of something so most of the things I eat now I don't feel that attracted to them in the end and realise that I am loosing my energy to eat those, it even happened a few times that I kind of forced myself to finish eating something even after I realised that the taste was not that great....
Good luck to All!
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 78

PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2019 12:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am back there

Last edited by Hikari on Mon Oct 28, 2019 12:10 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 78

PostPosted: Mon Oct 28, 2019 12:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am back there, because something very depressing happened to me recently.
To be honest, I don't believe in the absolute reality of prana.

To me, fasting is a way to leave this world in a gentle way... instead of committing suicide, I choose to stop eating and drinking.
Because I did several fastings now.. And I always broke the fast after 15 days so far.
Not because I lacked energy , as I often felt on a cloud and very peaceful.

But because I had some moments when I suddenly felt down and looked myself in the mirror and became scared by what I saw as I was becoming slowly skinnier and lost my chubby cheeks

I felt that if I continue not feeding myself in the physical, I would disappear from this world and leave my physical body.

Which in the moment, I was scared to do..
it is going in the unknown and I am not quite sure of what is waiting for me behind..if that is a good thing or a not so good thing.


I struggle with my mood since my early teenage.
Doctors say I am a chronic depressive and must take pills for the rest of my life...which I refused to do.
I very very often feel depressed and sad and lack motivation.
It is really hard to control my mind and encourage happy thoughts instead of dark negative thoughts sometimes, and when my mood starts to feel down, I waste lot of my time being lazy and depressed than I feel guilty.

I don't have any one around me that I can count on to help me nourrish positive thoughts so I can count on myself alone and it is sometimes really hard.
I cut relationships with my family since a long time
My parents separated then divorced when I was a teen ...and they spent my childhood arguing, that is the memories I remember of them..I do not have any happy memory with my parents.
I grew up with the feeling that I was a mistake that did not deserved to live and the reason why they were unhappy.

Even if I manage to feel compassion for my parents and to forgive them in my mind....I still feel too weak and fragile to make the effort to try to call or visit them.
and I know they are becoming old and probably won't live a long time.
So it is something hard to find peace about all this and to not feel guilty.

I also write here because I understood, that I cannot write to anyone as people and especially men think that writing about me is to open my intimacy to them and so in their subconscious they try to take advantage of it.
I have a female friend but I already write so much to her sometimes...

And so in a way I know I shouldn't write in a public space because I expose myself and then maybe later some perv is going to contact me again.
And it will make me depressive but I must manage to be strong enough to ignore the messages and not reply to them.

It makes me often sad that I have to be alone and that I must not share anything about myself and be super secretive so that I get the feeling men do not try to disrespect me.
It is something quite hard to do, but I keep doing over and over this very mistake of writing about me.

I think I will probably stay a celibate all my life for this reason alone.
In a way I think it makes life easier, because then I know I do not need to have any manipulating or seducing behavior and so it is a relief. I can be totally honest to my true self...which is not always easy either because of all the anxiety and stress I often have that makes me play a character rather than being me.

But sometimes, I don't understand why I exist then, and why I am here...Sometimes I dream to have a big familly with a big house somewhere in New Zealand for instance with many adopted children and many animals and a beautiful huge garden. And to be in love with someone that I would find awesomly good looking and talented and that will support and encourage me as well.

But as time goes by , this life seems to me to be an unreachable dream or fantasy that I will never get.
But then in a way maybe it is something I was mind-controled to desire.

But I wish I would just be able to be 100% disciplined and hard working and to feel joy and peace and love people for their qualities instead of noticing the things that makes upset ... I want to be happy with myself and my life and be someone I wish to see in the world.

Now I am not able to eat no more 3 times a day and everyday...as most things I eat makes me sick but I do not manage to find a balance because if I spend too much time not eating than I loose weight and I am at the moment doing a full time intensive professionnal dancing school..and so I often struggle with lack of energy and muscles pains and diggestive issues or lack of motivation so it is hard.

And I am fed up of faking happiness and smiling because people do not like and get bored by other people feeling sad and depressed. And men see it as a weakness to try to take advantage of.

I feel like I have to be a flawless robot to survive in this world.
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Candid



Joined: 15 Jul 2018
Posts: 90
Location: Reading, UK

PostPosted: Tue Dec 17, 2019 11:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hikari wrote:
To me, fasting is a way to leave this world in a gentle way... instead of committing suicide, I choose to stop eating and drinking.


I agree, although in my own experience I felt better and better while water-fasting, with no thought that I was heading out of this world.

Quote:
I suddenly felt down and looked myself in the mirror and became scared by what I saw as I was becoming slowly skinnier and lost my chubby cheeks


Again, water-fasting would have prevented this. Dehydration is horrible, even for a few hours.

Quote:
My parents separated then divorced when I was a teen ...and they spent my childhood arguing, that is the memories I remember of them..I do not have any happy memory with my parents.
I grew up with the feeling that I was a mistake that did not deserved to live and the reason why they were unhappy.


All of this is the basis for depression, and often anxiety as well. You deserve better, Hikari. You certainly deserve to live, and to be happy. I understand the feelings of guilt as your parents get older, but they are reaping what they sowed. You don't owe them anything.

If you really want to see one or both of them again, that's up to you. Just don't take any risk for which you will get no thanks. Your feelings are your best guide in life. Sometimes it simply isn't safe to spend time with people who've been harsh or cruel to us.

It looks to me as though Cipher has been banned from writing here. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with him. I just want to point out that by far the majority of men on this board did NOT harass you in any way, and you had interesting conversations with some of them. I agree with you that IF someone else bothers you here (or anywhere else) you can choose to ignore them. They feed on your responses. Let them starve!

You have a lovely vision of a life shared with someone you love, living in a big house that also shelters children and animals. There's no reason why that should not come about, as long as you can believe in it and can be open to the positive contacts you have with other people.

Quote:
I want to be happy with myself and my life and be someone I wish to see in the world.


Me too! And that's in our own hands. Who can do it, if not us? And who can stop us being the women we choose to be?

You don't have to be a flawless robot. You can simply be Who You Are, peaceful and accepting and a blessing to everyone who meets you.

I hope you have a lovely Festive Season, celebrated in the way you choose.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 78

PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2020 12:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I just want to point out that by far the majority of men on this board did NOT harass you in any way, and you had interesting conversations with some of them.

I was harassed by at least 3 men that found me from this site (not to mention other pervs from facebook..as a pretty horrible one just contacted me a few days ago sending me horrible porn videos) and I received horrible insults by private messages.
I don't like when people try to make it sound like I am the one having a problem and that exaggerate things, of course the men reading me not writing me do not cause me any problems. But just receiving insults and crazy perverted messages is horrific. Cipher wasn't the worse.


Last edited by Hikari on Sun Feb 09, 2020 4:13 pm; edited 3 times in total
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 78

PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2020 12:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
And who can stop us being the women we choose to be


Well the society stops us ...I mean: the 'mind-controlled' men and women
I think we are not allowed to be who we want because we are always judged on our appearance, and superficial stuff.
For instance, I cannot dress the way I want, I always have to take into account that some things will get me in trouble . I have to wear the most ugly clothes.
And people judge women on their age, appearance, ect, even other women judge women...that is sad,


Last edited by Hikari on Sun Feb 09, 2020 1:19 am; edited 2 times in total
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 78

PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2020 1:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I seriously think I am living in some sort of hell.
I really wonder what I did wrong to come here.
I live in a world where most people have ugly pervertions
Because since I am a little kid I hear people talking about sex quite too often.
It makes the world ugly

Which really makes me wonder: but why? why is that of such importance? we don't talk as much of pooh and peeh though it is in the similar place in our body and it is much more vital since we all eat.

Sex is dangerous and risky and is for making kids. But most people do not seem to realise that it is not supposed to be fun. (and what is fun about it? it is the scariest ugliest thing. And I know talking about this is just gonna make me sound like that I am the one having a problem while in reality, I never talk about it but I constantly hear people obsessed by it every single day. I always close my mouth and don't reply anything or pretend I don't hear.

Usually first question people ask me always when I barely know them is : do you have a boyfriend?
And everytime people talk to me they seem to bother about my sexual life and seem to want to make sure I am active in it and if they get the feeling I am not and that I have no interest for sex it often makes them sort of upset or mean or denigrative.
As if to be accepted in the society if you look young healthy and kind, you have to also enjoy sex, if you don't, most people think of you something mean and denigrative.

And every girl that speaks to me or around me always need to talk after a few minutes about the things she puts in her vagina . Or her sexual life with her boyfriend.
Even in my dancing school, my singing teacher wants us to sing the most ugly perverted song that exists in the french language (Les 'sucettes' which is a pedophile song, but seems I am the only one in the entire city of paris maybe even of the country that find this song disgusting) ..I really don't understand why I have to deal with this world every single day...I try to figure out what I did wrong that made me come here, maybe this is my karma?


Last edited by Hikari on Sun Feb 09, 2020 4:10 pm; edited 4 times in total
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 78

PostPosted: Sun Feb 09, 2020 3:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So to summarize a bit what I went through since my last post.
Well I think I am breatharian now, but I eat,
Because eating is a rare pleasure in my life and I have not find anything making me happier at the moment.
But I know I am breatharian because before xmas I spent 15 days not eating almost not drinking and was going to dancing class everyday , walking 2 hours a days than dancing for 3 to 4 hours and I never felt so energized and happy.
I did not loose weight, or only the weight making me feel uncomfortable that I gain in my belly after eating.

But after 15 days, I suddenly 'fell' and started eating, than I got pretty sick, first I started caughing a lot, then I catched a skin disease (in French it is called 'Zona' , I am not sure of the English translation, but it is a disease we catch as a baby that can come back later in our life when our immune system is low...after that my disabling auto immune disease came back at night and sometimes suddenly while I was walking in the street.
And I know that it is eating that is making me sick so much (now I have to take diggestive pills before everything I eat because I am not able to diggest anything anymore without becoming super bloated and being in pain for hours)...but even with all those side effects from eating it became pretty hard to disconnect from food as I felt so low again.
I think I am not used yet to be happy and feeling good as when I was on cloud from beatharianism..those are new sensations that strangly makes me feel like a big void as I am more used tobe depressed and sad and feeling sick and having pains.
I noticed several days I forced myself to eat all the things I knew where going to make me sick so that I would not feel this void of peacefullness.


Now I am trying to be a bit better with myself, which isn't easy so I only eat and drink before 1h30 pm and I eat raw fruits and nuts (no soy, no legumes, no cereals, no cooked food)...I know food does not really nourrish my body but eating this way at the moment is making me feel a bit better, I try to clean from wheat and cereal addiction..which I think I have become addicted like smokers are addicted to cigarettes.
I try to work my dancing exercices everyday, but it is still not something that I do from my free will, and I have to push me hard to do it..even though after working out I feel so good. while if I just stay being depressed and lazy I feel horrible.
But still it is hard to take good habits so I try to not be too radical . And I know some people reading me are going to judge me because I claim to be breatharian but I eat food, but well, life is not easy, we are not all able to live on a cloud and having our dream life that falls from heaven not doing any efforts for it. Sometimes I feel I will never manage to reach my goal because it is really difficult, but then if I look behind, well I went through a really very hard depression that lasted a very long time, so I am proud of me that now I wake up and try to be good to myself and that I try to not listen and not believe to the words some people put in my mind that made me feel I am ugly fat stupid, worth nothing and that I do not deserve to live.

I know those words are still engraved in my mind because they always come back at random times and I know those words are the reason why often feel so bad in my body. So I try to replace them by happier words which are not engraved yetand doesn't want to stick in my mind but I am pretty sure if I don't give up, after some time the happier words will become true and transform me.
But I must admit it is really hard to do and I often go back to my old sabbotaging ways
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 78

PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2020 9:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

It's been a long time since I posted here.
I think I am doing better now,
Before the lockdown I was in a professional dancing school,
Now I found how to nourish my body , it is through stretching and dancing!
I feel breatharian though I still eat very little ( usually I eat 2-3 carrots a day, or some days I eat more like an apple + carrots + hazelnuts , sometimes like once a week I go a bit backward again and eat chocolate or a banana )

But despite the fact I eat very very little, I am not skinny at all, I have more fat on my body than many years ago when I was eating huge amount of food 3 times a day and exercising much less .

There are days I eat a little bit more when I feel that I am loosing weight, In fact the strange thing is that I very easily grow fat but I loose weight very very slowly. So I find that convenient to me, I do not have to force me to completely give up eating for now, I still please me a bit, because I still enjoy chewing and eating simple things.
I think I am not any more depressive and I am managing to become disciplined.

I am aware that eating isn't super good on my body because it gives me symptoms, for instance, if I eat too much I get body pains and as I exercise 2 to 4 hours a day this is not something I like to have, but when I don't eat or eat really very very little I feel much better, I think not eating increases my performances in everything. So I am in a slow detoxifying process but I decided to not force me anymore to not eat and to eat consciously.
I am not anymore attracted by any processed food, most of the time I only want to eat carrots, apples, hazelnuts almonds and some few times dark chocolate (but it makes me anxious) or when I want to eat more I eat a banana which I find very filling.

I decided to not produce any more any waste so I gave me as a rule to not buy any food that is packed, that way I stay away from everything that is not fruits and veggies.

Than to not make it sound like I have become totally perfect into being disciplined all the time, well I still make some mistakes, but I try not to judge me for it, for instance, 2 weeks ago I came back eating tofu everyday than I developed an allergy all over my skin so I decided to stop eating tofu, it was packed in plastic so I did not respected my rule of not buying any food that is packed ..., now I stay away from it...about a few weeks ago I was also still eating oat and some wheat, now I stay away from it too I think for good now because I think it gives me inflammation...I was feeling muscle pains in some part of my body from working out instead of feeling good.

While if I only eat a bit of carrots and an apple, it does not gives me muscle pains and I can exercice endlessly, never feeling tired, I don't even sweat. The more I exercice, the better I feel and the more energetic and happy I become.

But I feel I have not reached my true potential yet since I still eat a little bit, I think I will really become who I want to be when I will not eat anything anymore, because the less I eat the more light I feel, but eating carrots and fruits still makes me a bit heavy .
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