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Prana in Paris
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Sat Apr 27, 2019 7:04 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

thank you!
I started to listen to it.
Well it makes me very sad, but it seems only certain people are allowed to get what they want in life.


I feel like I am some sort of mistake that should not be here...that I am a mirror that reflects everything people hate so that all the perverts and gloomy people can take revenge on me because my entire life is a mistake...and I do not manage to not pay attention to it. I think if I would just ignore I would feel better. But I am too depressive to be able to ignore the gloomy stuffs.
That is why I really really want to be breatharian because in the worse case, it will end my life here, but I do not want to keep on living anyway.
And in the best , it might changes my perception on reality and finally put me at peace...because everytime I managed to feel breatharian I felt happy and at peace as if nothing from this world could no more harm me.
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Candid



Joined: 15 Jul 2018
Posts: 119
Location: Reading, UK

PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2019 11:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hikari wrote:
it seems only certain people are allowed to get what they want in life.


I think we all have a mix of getting and not getting, but certainly some do better than others. Much better.

Quote:
I feel like [snip] I am a mirror that reflects everything people hate so that all the perverts and gloomy people can take revenge on me because my entire life is a mistake...and I do not manage to not pay attention to it.


If that's so, there are many ways of withdrawing from the world, of which breatharianism is one. I have similar feelings of having been generally knocked about, and I consider myself lucky I no longer need to earn my living (my work is voluntary) so can engage as much or as little as I want to. I understand you have artistic talent, so there's no need for you to have co-workers.

Did you think the talk I linked to gloomy? I liked it very much for its logic and honesty. I have no beef against humans but I deplore what we're doing to the planet we live on (as well as to each other!), and I'm in a minority that isn't filled with horror at the idea of the human race becoming extinct. I liked what Benatar said, that virtually everyone's life contains more suffering than pleasure, particularly towards the end, and that therefore it's a cruelty to keep making more people.

Quote:
I really really want to be breatharian because in the worse case, it will end my life here, but I do not want to keep on living anyway.
And in the best , it might changes my perception on reality and finally put me at peace...because everytime I managed to feel breatharian I felt happy and at peace as if nothing from this world could no more harm me.


I believe that's true, and it's what I'm seeking for myself. I'm so glad I have the fasting experience of several decades ago to look back on and know it can be done, although I drank water throughout and intend to do so again. I remember the wonderful peace of it, that I was still able to go to work but that I felt somehow outside the normal preoccupations -- not in any way superior to others, only that this was the way for me. It just felt good.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2019 12:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Candid wrote:


I understand you have artistic talent, so there's no need for you to have co-workers.


Maybe but it gets very lonely, and it is hard to stay positive when I am lonely..as not many people believe in me and are positive to me.
I feel like I must fight against a wall of negativity.

And I still sometimes look to work with others ,because if not , I am always alone and so it is hard to keep positive being on my own but my last experience was not very uplifting. it is very hard to find people that are not toxic.
So far I can say I only have 1 friend and it took me such a long time to find her!!!


Last edited by Hikari on Sun Apr 28, 2019 12:43 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2019 12:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="Candid"]
Hikari wrote:


Did you think the talk I linked to gloomy? I liked it very much for its logic and honesty. I have no beef against humans but I deplore what we're doing to the planet we live on (as well as to each other!), and I'm in a minority that isn't filled with horror at the idea of the human race becoming extinct. I liked what Benatar said, that virtually everyone's life contains more suffering than pleasure, particularly towards the end, and that therefore it's a cruelty to keep making more people.


No I don't think it was gloomy but very truthful to what I feel at the moment.
Sorry I posted my message before I completly listened to it.
But it is also so pessimistic. Then it makes me wonder if really everyone experiences more sufferings than pleasure?
It feels to me I am surrounded by people that know very little sufferings and enjoy being alive.
I have some very good memories from my childhood though. I am often melancolic to it. There are moments when I feel good but much more moments when I suffer it is true.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2019 12:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Candid wrote:


I believe that's true, and it's what I'm seeking for myself. I'm so glad I have the fasting experience of several decades ago to look back on and know it can be done, although I drank water throughout and intend to do so again. I remember the wonderful peace of it, that I was still able to go to work but that I felt somehow outside the normal preoccupations -- not in any way superior to others, only that this was the way for me. It just felt good.


At the moment I still did not manage to fast, but at least I managed to stop eating chocolate and bread..I don't know why it is so hard to just stop eating for 3 days (already one day is hard)
I only eat oats with one or 2 bananas and cinnamon.
I feel with everything I ate working at disneyland, it is not overnight that I am going to be able to stop eating, I try to make my body used to only eat a little bit of oat and bananas. If I manage to stick to it for long enough than maybe one day I will feel ready to stop.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2019 12:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I want to proove to my body that it can stay healthy with just a bit of oat and banana and do not need anything more than that.
So if I manage to proove myself this, than I could also proove myself that food isn't necessary..and I probably gonna start feeling negative effects of the oat and banana diet as with every food that I eat so my body gonna reject it after a while I believe.
And I don't think I could go backward and eat on my own something else than oat and banana because I am disgusted by everything else I see in the supermarket.
Even oat and bananas isn't perfect to me but if I want to eat absolutly something I feel it is better than every other choice.
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Candid



Joined: 15 Jul 2018
Posts: 119
Location: Reading, UK

PostPosted: Sun Apr 28, 2019 1:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I too need other people to stay emotionally healthy. I say just one good friend is enough! I like to be with other people, but there's only one friend with whom I know I can say anything and she'll understand. And yes, it took me a long time to find her!

I don't see Benatar's work as pessimistic. He isn't proposing that we all kill ourselves and each other, only, I suppose, that people don't automatically assume they will be parents, or that parenthood is a noble thing. I've been called selfish for not having children and I take umbrage at that. I presume people have children because they want them, not because it's the unselfish thing to do! So it's rather nice to hear of someone saying having children is selfish. Actually I'm pretty sure he calls it "cruel".

I have started the stepdown to fasting but will write about it on my thread rather than on yours. Oats, bananas and cinnamon are interesting choices! As Joachim wrote to me (when I signed up), "I hope you're looking after yourself". I'm inclined to think eating the wrong foods is more dangerous than not eating at all, but also that people instinctively know what's right for them.

Anyway, I like the experimental tone of your last post. Gandhi was a great one for experimenting on himself -- and who am I to argue with the Mahatma?
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Fri May 03, 2019 9:47 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Just a quick update!
I am not proud of me because I went a bit backward again
as I ate 2 times red beans in a can.

That is because I have a strange sensation in my body and I made a blood test...and something is slightly wrong in my blood test (I have not seen the doctor yet)

I have a slightly high level of : leucocytes and monocytes
And an extremely low level of iron
So I made researches on google about this of course.
And I found out that we have this when the body has an infection or cancer .

So needless to say it made me a bit scared !

And there are moments when I feel something very weird , that is not painful or anything but I identified this thing as something happening in my lymphatic system. It is hard to describe what it is as I don't even know if it is pleasant or unpleasant..but a few days ago it was starting to sort of make me feel a bit uncomfortable .
At the very beginning, when I first noticed this (like 3-4 months ago) I thought it is just energy that increased since I started yoga.
Because sometimes it feels like this energy becomes stuck in some areas like my neck or legs..
and it is not painful but I need to massage or stretch...it feels like some cramps thatare not painful...

But now it kind of increased since a couple of weeks and I started thinking a few days ago that maybe this is my lymphatic system that cannot filtrate good because I always eat the same things and I also started feeling that I do not build any muscles and have too much fat that does not want to leave...
So I was thinking:
Maybe my body really does need proteins!!

And I asked myself:
what could give me proteins?

Then I thought about everything like almonds, peanuts (I even thought about eating eggs!!!), tofu...
Than in the end I decided to eat red beans in a can (with no sugar) and drink soya milk.


But then since 2 days, I feel again that food is useless and that it is not food that really nourishes my body.
And 2 days ago I woke up and told myself:
this is oat that my body can't stand anymore.

So I finished my package of oats and now I decided to not eat oats anymore.
Than I wanted to try to fast, because I told myself:
Maybe my lympathic system is tired of everything I eat and can't filtrate no more so I need to make pause on eating.
but then a few hours later I started to feel hungry and low in sugar so I did not manage to fast...
It is not easy to fast and working at the same time all the things that I need to work.
I can't meditate for hours at the moment or going outside walking in nature too long.

So now I try to only eat 2 medium size bananas (with cacao powder because I craved chocolate again so instead of buying me chocolate with sugar I just bought sugarless powder) and 3 mushrooms with garlic and olive oil and tamari (soy sauce low in salt) sauce...I feel mushrooms are very filling....
I do not want to eat oats or beans or legumes or soya no more.
So far I only started this diet yesterday, I gonna see how I feel today.


It sucks a bit I do not manage to feel consistent into anything.
But at the same time, I started thinking:
In a way I sort of fast from many things since I never eat animal stuff, never eat dairies, and very rarely eat wheat, and legumes and beans and wanna give up oats as well.

So there is not many things I still eat, and what I still eat is: mushrooms, bananas, cacao powder,
and when I feel down, depressed or fear something, I gonna eat: sweet potatoes, bread (but I recently started to feel disgusted by bread, because I feel too much the taste of yeast in it and I don't like yeast no more), avocado, pasta and sometimes legumes in a can or chocolate with almonds (but now I am disgusted by the taste of sugar in those things)
So maybe I am still on a good path because many people when they are depressed, they eat : hamburgers, fries..they drink alcohol, sodas or take drugs or smoke.

So maybe this is not so much of a failure.
because I used to be addicted to peanut butter and cashew cream, dates and dry fruits and coconut milk and tofu and hummus....now it has been since the beginning of the year that I am not tempted by any of those foods no more ( I just understood the kind of feeling it gives me and it is not a good one)


Last edited by Hikari on Fri May 03, 2019 12:48 pm; edited 8 times in total
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Fri May 03, 2019 10:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Candid wrote:
"I hope you're looking after yourself". I'm inclined to think eating the wrong foods is more dangerous than not eating at all, but also that people instinctively know what's right for them.

Anyway, I like the experimental tone of your last post. Gandhi was a great one for experimenting on himself -- and who am I to argue with the Mahatma?

That is a very nice thing to say to someone.
I started to realise that to say to someone to 'look after yourself' is very helping..because it is not easy to look after oneself, in my opinion, I used to feel selfish and guilty for doing so.
I don't help anyone, I am very bad at helping people, I feel totaly useless (I spent the last 2 years doing lot of volunteering but I do not feel like I improved the life or helped anyone)..I am sort of a bad listener as well. But at the moment the only thing I try to do is to look after myself and to try to avoid doing things that are not making me go in a positive direction...and to fight depression.

Anyway! thank you so much for your messages! it is a nice support, I feel less alone.
I would love to read about your own path as well!
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Candid



Joined: 15 Jul 2018
Posts: 119
Location: Reading, UK

PostPosted: Sat May 04, 2019 8:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hikari wrote:
I am not proud of me because I went a bit backward again
as I ate 2 times red beans in a can.


It happens. Sad

I think it's important not to beat ourselves up for failing to do what we so much want to do. That's just making ourselves feel worse for feeling bad.

Quote:
I would love to read about your own path as well!


http://forum.breatharian.info/viewtopic.php?t=1063
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Thu May 09, 2019 2:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I just find so sick that I was called to be glutonous...
I can't get this out of my mind,
And I think it is even more sick that the person who did that did not even excused himself.... and I think that is why I have healthy issues now..I started again to not be able to focus on anything and yesterday night I was in pain.

Why men on this planet are so mentaly sick?
I would never judge anyone just because this person loves to eat chocolate...
That is so upsetting that men need to be so mean to women when they realise we are never gonna sleep with them. It makes them look like starving vultures...first they flatter us all they can, then they insult..seriously it is so silly. It seems to me that men project on myself their own failures ...as if I was their mirror...they never watch themselves in any mirror (that's why they become so ugly) and instead they use women as a mirror of their own uglyness..so everything that they accuse me of I know it is their own failures that they just do not manage to look into themselves because they have such a strong ego...
It seems to me it is much more difficult for men to detach from their Ego as it is for women.


Also I find it sad that every time I speak about sexual harassement and rape and how men are depraved..people instead of telling me that not all men are like this (because there are strong Men on this planet for instance all those bouddhists monks that live in Tibet and train to martial arts and meditation instead of masturbating and watching porn and dreaming to rape young girls )

Well they always need to tell me instead that there are also a tiny amount of women that are perverts...as if it was a way to excuse men's behavior.

It is not only rapists that are wrong, it is also all those men that watch porn and that need to sexualise women in the most humiliating ways .Or constantly need to find a weakness to take advantage... and all those ugly looking men that are attracted to young flesh ..
Pedophilia isn't only sexual attraction toward little kids or teenagers it is men that look at youth as something sexualy attracting.. so I consider all men on this planet that find me attractive to be pedophiles because I know they are attracted to me cause I look young flesh..even though I am an adult and over 25 years old.
But nobody agrees with me on this. To most people: finding youth attractive is totaly healthy...But what is healthy about that? It means that those men wish me something bad !!! so that they could take advantage.. it is nothing healthy at all!!!.


Last edited by Hikari on Thu May 09, 2019 3:34 pm; edited 8 times in total
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Thu May 09, 2019 2:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I am not sure anymore I will manage to become pranic because just fasting one day is hard..even though yesterday I was super sick.

I just do not manage to do anything healthy since a while.
When I try to tell me:
You must try take care of youself and do healthy things.
Well then I think: what is the point? I do not want to be attractive to perverts so if I become ugly looking and if I start looking sick and old on the outside ..why should I care about that?
I would like better to provoke pity and compassion to people rather than pervertion. But I still look far way to healthy on the outside so people do not develop compassion for me. They project their perversions on me, since most men on this planet find youth sexualy attractive.


And I do not really care my life as I am exausted to live. I often wish to disappear..I am not even sure I still have dreams . I just would like to fall asleep and to never wake up
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Candid



Joined: 15 Jul 2018
Posts: 119
Location: Reading, UK

PostPosted: Thu May 09, 2019 6:25 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear one,

The trouble with "looking sick and old on the outside" is that it invariably means feeling sick and old, too. We need to feel good.

I hope you'll feel better soon.
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hysterical_bored_snail
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PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2019 2:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I can creepily relate to the situation Hikari.
Only its old women.

Like feeding on sexual qi I seek flow aligningly and invested well..
To what extent am I falling for some vile trap writing..

I relate to the sleeping part.. disappearing and not waking up.. Moments of peace..
I do not personally mind perversion as long as its compatible sexual partners from a highest good standpoint also.

^ does above paint me as perverted in the mind of you?
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2019 6:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hysterical_bored_snail wrote:


^ does above paint me as perverted in the mind of you?


Not as long as you don't try to hurt me or have a gloomy pervertion involving me in it. Or try to get something from me... As long as people do not want to involve me into anything I feel fine with them.
And as long as they remain kind and polite to me
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