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Prana in Paris
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 6:14 pm    Post subject: Re: Food hell joy: "yay! Sundown! I can eat!" Reply with quote

hysterical_bored_snail wrote:
How is all of below connected with breatharianism: prana, flows, drains, gains - non-need.

.

Thankyou for all the messages,
Jmw and Candid mentionned to me by private messages that they think you might be a bot?
I hope you don't take this as an offense if you are a real person! I think being a bot is quite cool
But If you are a real person, where are you from?
Your way to express yourself is quite original, English is not my first language so I am not sure I can find out where you come from.
And if you are a bot , who created you?

I am gonna take some time to read all this.
In fact I like to read original things and ideas so I will take the time to read .
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 6:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I did not posted for a while because I did not have internet and took distance with Wifi.
I managed now to feel better, I managed to only eat once every other day for a week..but now I just started a training to become a sound technician since yesterday and since this morning I took bad habits as I bought me food yesterday and ate yesterday evening, this morning and this evening...(and of course now I feel sick)

I think I can only eat no more than once a day and eating just once every other day (so 3 times a week) is what I want to achieve as it is something not too hard that I can do with a bit of discipline.
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Candid



Joined: 15 Jul 2018
Posts: 120
Location: Reading, UK

PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 6:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That sounds like a good idea. I've been on it and off it (fasting) for a while now, still working up to being food-free.

By the way, we got rid of that hysterical_bored_snail. Very Happy

And I'm happy to see you back here. I thought we'd lost you.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 7:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hysterical_bored_snail wrote:

Oh yeah I did not understand the meaning of any of this .
But I find that awesome that such bots can be created...than I wonder if the previous person posting here was also a bot?
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Tue May 28, 2019 7:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

so to update a bit,
I did not went to a psychologist for my depression because I am convinced that this is food that makes me depressive..as now I feel much better to discipline me to only eat 3 times a week...only now I took a bad habit again since yesterday evening.

But I managed to totally avoid wheat and oat but came back eating pop corn bananas coconut milk legumes oranges peanut butter (oil and sugar free) and other dry fruits like almonds, cashew and dry raisins.
But I managed to limit me on small portions .
I got the time to reflect on food and I noticed that each time I feel hunger: I have a negative emotion going on that if I gonna feed with food, I will feel something negative right after (like being irritated, depressed, frustrated, upset...)
But when I resist to this feeling of hunger: I feel incredible peace and joy and happiness a few moment after.

And everytime I decided to eat (at the exception of yesterday evening , this morning and this evening)...I did not feel hunger but this was just my mind forcing me to eat. And I still managed to feel positive because I resisted many times when I felt hungry.

Now I fear a bit the moment I will finish my sound technician school (in July) because I gonna be alone with my own again and even though I am very fortunate that I found a really good friend I can count on, I still feel a bit not managing to keep a constant motivation and positiveness, if that is a right way to say it...but I won't listen to the doctor, I won't go to a psychologist and I won't take anti depressant pills.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Wed May 29, 2019 7:23 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Today I managed to spend the day fasting,
I woke up being depressed again..feeling that the world around me is so unstable and people are untrustable so I thought if I manage to resist to food today I'll know I can trust myself.

So I managed but instead I ate all my nails.. and I have this problem with eating my nails since all my life.. I wanted to stop as well and I managed for about 2 weeks...but now I ate them all again.

but at least I did not eat and swallow anything lol

And I already know and decided that tomorrow morning I am going to eat something...even though I do not feel hungry right now, but that is because my mind is wanting that I eat tomorrow and decided it.
I think I will eat coconut milk with dry fruits blueberries and a banana and maybe some pop corn (oil and salt and sugar free).

And I hope I will only eat once but I am not convinced that my mind will manage to not force me to eat a second time.
But I already know that Friday I will fast again and probably Saturday as well because I spend the day auditionning for a dance school and I can't dance if I have anything in my stomach..and then Sunday I might eat something probably
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Candid



Joined: 15 Jul 2018
Posts: 120
Location: Reading, UK

PostPosted: Thu May 30, 2019 2:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hikari wrote:
I woke up being depressed again..feeling that the world around me is so unstable and people are untrustable


I believe that's the effect of being depressed, although it can be hard to decide which is cause and which effect. My own belief on a good day is that by far the majority of people are helpful and well-intentioned. On bad days -- and I have plenty of those! -- I feel irritated by everyone around me.

Interesting that you bite your nails. My sister used to do it; I never did. It seems to be associated with anxiety.

So... anxiety and depression, not a good mix.

Right now I'm comfortable with eating very sparingly. Yesterday I realised I was feeling lighter, then I ate like two grapes and felt heavy again. Laughing I no longer want what constitutes a normal meal for me. I had some fruit when I got up today then a cup of soup at lunchtime.

We're feeling our way towards it. I perfectly understand not being able to dance when you've eaten.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Thu May 30, 2019 4:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So today I ate quite a lot...
Because I thought I needed to fill myself as the next 2 days I am not gonna eat anything.
Now I feel a bit sick again...

So I ate around 11:30 am after working out :
One bowl with coconut milk + one banana + dry fruits + blueberries.

Than I wanted to eat something else, so I bought rice cake with dark chocolate and ate a full bag and than 2 small bananas

And later on (around 4pm) I bought me a small vegan\kasher pizza + hummous low in fat (usually I do it myself) and ate the full thing.

Than I realised I still ate much less than what I used to eat in the past when I had money from working in mechanical research and developement but maybe I am overeating compared to what a normal person would eat..I have no clue.

But now I feel a bit sick because I feel I ate too much hummous and bananas. And I ate wheat again.

But anyway this was my cheating day and friday and saturday I will fast again

I always have this weird thinking in the back side of my mind that as a vegan I need to eat proteins so I fill me with food like beans to get my proteins.
As I am still a bit anxious to become weak . but legumes also have a lot of carbohydrates and coconut milk is a lot of fat so it makes me feel heavy.
Bananas also is a lot of sugar and carbohydrates. And dry fruits is fat and carbohydrates and proteins.

I have the feeling I eat healthy when I manage to eat a small thing containing proteins, fat and carbohydrates in a ration of something like 20% 20% 60% even though I don't really care of the exact ratio, but I usually try to eat something not too high in carbohydrate but with proteins and fat..As I don't eat everyday no more, I feel I need to fill myself with fatty foods that have proteins.I know it is just a limiting belief.
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Cipher
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PostPosted: Sat Jun 01, 2019 12:37 pm    Post subject: random string: cleaning post away - not possible to delete Reply with quote

JINNE4p0ih

Last edited by Cipher on Tue Jun 04, 2019 5:38 am; edited 1 time in total
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Sun Jun 02, 2019 3:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

So today is my second day fasting.
In the end Friday I did not fast.. and Saturday I fasted but did not go to my dance audition...
I just felt like that they are not gonna notice anyway I was not there because they already have so many people wanting to go to this school that they don't even bother to be friendly.

So I stayed home instead. And even did not went outside.
And today I have not been outside yet either.
I just was thinking a lot and sort of meditating.

Now I almost ate something because I have to declare my taxes and just staying in front of the computer makes me want to eat.
But I managed to resist.
I really would like to manage to fast for a long time, but I am not sure I'll be able ..I don't want to put the cart before the horse...because it seems every time that I write I gonna fast this day or this day I don't manage to respect it.
So I just don't wanna try to impose me anything.
But this is really the most important thing, everything else comes secondary.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Sun Jun 02, 2019 3:48 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Candid wrote:


I believe that's the effect of being depressed, although it can be hard to decide which is cause and which effect. My own belief on a good day is that by far the majority of people are helpful and well-intentioned. On bad days -- and I have plenty of those! -- I feel irritated by everyone around me.

.

Yes I agree with this totally!
But I also feel that food irritates me and makes me unable to elevate my mood.
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Sun Jun 02, 2019 7:58 pm    Post subject: Re: So.. I will not write so much anymore - unfixation occur Reply with quote

Cipher wrote:

----------


I am sorry, I did not wanted to reply because this does not seem to make any sence to me .
I don't understand what you suffer from, but maybe you have a psychiatric problem? I hope you are not alone and receive help.
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Candid



Joined: 15 Jul 2018
Posts: 120
Location: Reading, UK

PostPosted: Sun Jun 02, 2019 11:53 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'm sorry you didn't go to the audition. I think it meant a lot to you.

Quote:
I almost ate something because I have to declare my taxes and just staying in front of the computer makes me want to eat.


I have the same problem: paired habits. With coffee or wine I "have to" smoke. While using my computer I "have to" be either eating or drinking... and then of course going outside (I don't smoke inside). I'm glad you were able to resist! Resisting, and continuing to resist, is the only way to break a habit.

Quote:
I really would like to manage to fast for a long time


Me too! And based on my 1975 experience, I feel sure that once I get started I won't want to stop.

Quote:
it seems every time that I write I gonna fast this day or this day I don't manage to respect it.


As you would be aware, I'm having the same problem... and I really don't know why. And I feel the same way as you do, that this matters more than anything.

Makes it that much harder to understand why we're not doing it, doesn't it?

Actually, to be frank, my marriage isn't all it should be and that's so stressful it makes a mess of my efforts -- especially since He doesn't want me to fast. Sad
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Hikari



Joined: 21 Jan 2019
Posts: 77

PostPosted: Mon Jun 03, 2019 5:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Candid wrote:
I'm sorry you didn't go to the audition. I think it meant a lot to you.

(

Yes I am a little bit disapointed after myself.
But I was accepted to 2 other schools I auditionned for yet..I try to get a scholarship but it takes already so much time , I have to call the schools everyweeks to remind them they must fill the paperwork that I need to ask for the scholarship..and they must do that soon enough so that I have time to apply to the scholarship..
So I thought that this school, they are not even friendly on the phone and basicly do not care ( I sent my application but they never bothered to call me or just send an email to confirm I was auditionning on the day I applied, I had to call them many times and the first time they even lost my application so I had to do it all again a second time) so it will be even more difficult to make them fill an online document to ask for a scholarship.
They seem to be a good school but also because of my sound technician training at the moment, I did not have the time to rehearse and all for the audition so I thought anyway I was going to be bad. ..But I hope I wn't regret it. Because I wanna go to a musical comedy school by september and I hope I will get the scholarship. I have to hurry me right now.
And all those things makes me want to eat because it is exausting that I have to all the time harass the people..just for this sound training thing I don't know how I managed to get it because I had to call so many times, they never replied the phone and I sent my resume 3 times. I think it is entertainement stuff in Paris, there is so many people that want to do this type of job that you have to be very very persistant and insisting. And it often feel hopeless.


When I worked in mechanical research and developement , I did not even needed to look for a job, I put my resume online and I waited for calls.
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Cipher
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PostPosted: Tue Jun 04, 2019 5:35 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

JPuph8qbBd

Last edited by Cipher on Fri Jun 07, 2019 4:47 am; edited 1 time in total
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