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My Story

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Joined: 16 Nov 2010
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 6:25 am    Post subject: My Story Reply with quote

Hello all Very Happy I am new to this forum, but have been an "aspiring breatharian" for some time. I guess I'd like to share a little about myself.

I guess I have struggled with some form of "mental illness" for years now. I hope this doesn't come across as severe self-absorbtion, but if anyone is truely interested in learning more about this, I have given a very honest and detailed account of my possible symptoms here, where I happen to elaborate in detail how I experience the eating process:

Now, on to the subject of food and inedia. For many years now, I have come to absolutely loathe the eating process. I do not like it one bit. Almost everytime I eat, I feel I am only doing so to "fill in the gaps" that could be filled with meaningful and less painful things. I never really experience "hunger", as far as I can tell. I think of it more as a drug craving, because I know my life is deficient in other areas.

I think part of the big problem why I do suffer so much when eating (details can be found in the aformentioned link), is because, for lack of better understanding, as is the case with most of my time and activities, I eat alone. A few days ago, I had a wonderful experience, one in which I actually, for lack of better terms, felt "connected" to another human being. This incident involved food, but I'm not sure if the food was necessary. To sumarize, I was having a problem at home that I felt warranted the assitance of another person, so I called someone who is very kind/understanding. This person assisted me with the problem, and afterwards, offered to spend some time with me outside of home. I left home with this person, and felt myself feeling quite comfortable and relaxed with them (rare for me). It seems that by having a problem that I needed help with, reaching out to another person for help, and receiving help from said person, I was able to "connect" with them. By the time this person and I left the house, it was 10:00 pm (evening). I told her that all I had eaten that day was a bowl of peas and part of an apple. She said it wasn't enough. I didn't disagree. In fact, I didn't really care so much about eating or not eating in those moments, because I felt something greater than those things. We drove around town and she suggested different places where we could eat, if I wanted. I declined all of them, because I didn't feel ready to accept food into my life at the time, and I didn't want to suffer, which usually occurs when I eat. Eventually, she stopped the car at Rubios, and said that I didn't have to eat, but that she was going to go in and get something. I said okay, and I started to feel even more relaxed, possibly because no one was pressuring me and I was glad to feel "connected" to someone else for a change. I also had a good feeling I could eat without going through hell or worrying, something I seldom feel. She ordered a plate of chips, beans, guacamole, salsa, and rice. I declined to order anything because it didn't feel "right" (not morally; a feeling hard to describe). She got her food, and we sat down together. We talked and I felt quite conencted to and relaxed with her. After a few minutes of talking, I asked her if I could have some of the food that she'd ordered. She said "you can have as much as you want". So we ate together, and it was an experience that was altogether something different from the hell I usually endure. It didn't hurt to eat the food. I wasn't thinking so hard about what might be in the food (I already knew it was vegan). I honestly wish I could have more experiences like that, or be free from eating altogether, because as it stands, I usually cannot go more than 36 hours at a time without consuming something, and most of the time, for me, consumption is hell.
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Joined: 09 Jun 2010
Posts: 92
Location: Wales, UK

PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 10:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi hopeful

It?s really good to read your post (I also read everything on the psychoforums page). I?m sorry that the eating process is a really tough thing for you.I can see that you?re a sensitive and highly intelligent person. There are many people who?s openness and sensitivity makes life very hard for them - so these skills (sensitivity and intelligence) can often work against someone. I've had quite similar issues. And it is a psychological truism, that internalised problems (that can lead to depression), are usually experienced by nice people. Nice people don?t vent their anger. I?m not diagnosing you with depression, incidentally; but I do see a non-fluidity in energy - which in turn would lead to a constriction in blood flow and general lowered sense of well-being and connection.

But I think this can be arrived at for different reasons. If you want my non-professional opinion, what I see is an extremely sensitive and intelligent person, who is so overcome by the sense-impressions surrounding him, that it makes operating normally rather difficult. What I also see, is that you?re learning from this, understanding the way things fit together. I really admire your honesty over things. I've been through quite similar things.

Growing up was an ordeal for me (I?m still growing up, though I?m 38 now!!), due to a similar propensity to acute perception and impressions of things around me (in my case, bad atmospheres would render me unable to operate normally, and in conversation I could be so spaced out (by the energy of the other person), that I couldn?t communicate really. I could never reach out to people, just be in a strange bubble of ireality and silence. Trying to get a romantic life going was really quite impossible, until I was in my mid twenties. All this has changed for me now, in a big way.) Also - and this is also true even today - I can find people?s smells really incredibly awful sometimes. I can smell people a mile off, I?m like a dog!

My opinion, is that there are many sensitive souls incarnating from other sources, who in some ways find the physical body and physical world totally weird. I don?t say this lightly: my background is in computers, electronics and economics, and I read a lot on other subjects. What I?m trying to say, is that I?m not a nutter or a hippy making unfounded pronouncements: it?s a simple matter of perception that there are many souls of other origins, of high mind capacity - who struggle with the weird texture of socks, for example!! I?ve always had an uncomfortable relationship with clothes, incidentally, so I understand where you?re coming from on that one, too. In my perfect world, I would be wearing robes, with nothing constricting.

This doesn?t mean that adapting to the world is not possible. It?s entirely possible, but takes a while. In the writings of Rudolph Steiner (the originator of the bio-dynamic food movement, as well as the Waldorf education movement) , the various aspects of a human being?s psyche become integrated really quite late (which was certainly true in my case), when people are in their early twenties. In my case, even later than that. It can be a painful process to bring down into the physical certain aspects and accept certain limitations.

And as for diagnoses from psychiatrists and psychologists, I?ve rarely seen a diagnosis that makes real total sense. Mostly, people with certain symptoms are made to fit under certain tags, as if giving it a name helps the individual and helps the professionals understand the person. In my view, this is from the old Victorian passion for naming and classifying everything into separate units, whereas the new paradigm talks about relationships between things... but that?s another story...I guess they'll catch up.) People are people, with boundless psyches, many things going on: limiting someone with a tag, in my view is a bit, well, stupid. Let?s be honest, it?s not intelligent diagnosis.

Have you ever considered doing Tai Chi? This is a fantastic way of working with your body and mind, and energy. Even though yoga is meant to be breath centered, it rarely is practiced that way (more like gymnastics for some!), but the nature of Tai Chi leads to fluidity quite naturally. I find it excellent, and practice at home when I can. There are good DVDs (e.g. this guy he?s the head of the UK Tai Chi school, or one of them, I think) It?s incredibly simple, but effective when done in a mind-centered fashion. You might enjoy that. I think the practice of that, can lead to greater fluidity across different aspects of life, and enable natural connections.

As to problems with eating, it?s also my opinion that leading a food-free life is about joy. What I mean to say, is that it?s about enjoying what the creator has made possible for humans (e.g. food, nice tasty food!), then politely moving on if it just doesn?t fit anymore, or if there?s something better. But the definition of someone who is a breatharian, is someone who can eat, or not eat. i.e. where eating isn?t really a problem, but a choice. Michael Werner for example, talks about avoiding the inconvenience of getting back on food, but no great aversion.

But of course, it?s different for everyone. Eating can be seen as a grotesque thing, obviously; really basic, inputs and outputs, but it needn?t be that way, because that too is a perception judgement. My personal blog (which I copy and paste to this forum), covers my own thoughts on the subject. I do enjoy food, and yet really sense its limitations, both in terms of effect on body, as well as on mind... Personally, I feel the deeper truths of existence when my insides are empty of matter, much better. But not eating isn?t about starving, it?s about replacing with a different source of energy. I?m learning my own things on this subject.

Ironing out one?s own psychology into one of great self-esteem, is a first step before entering any deepened spiritual practice (For example, I live quite near a monastery here, and I know that the ordained brothers have entered the spiritual life only after achieving a level of inner strength and relative success in the outside world. The development of inner strength is paramount).

These are just some thoughts that came to me following your post. Hope at least something helps out of all that.
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