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Support during transition

 
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MicheleSt



Joined: 05 May 2012
Posts: 13

PostPosted: Wed Aug 08, 2012 1:50 am    Post subject: Support during transition Reply with quote

Hey everyone.
I think I'm just reaching out, as I am feeling a little doubt because of looking very thin at this point in transitioning. I'm already pretty small, but now am about 85-90 lbs at 5'4''. my thigh is about the same size as my calf.
and its noticeable in my arms and clothes arent fitting.
I originally was just doing water for several days (after many months of juice and occasional avo), and eventually went back to a little juice mid day, to maybe slow down the process a little.
The doubt is happening because really there's no rule book. I am different from everyone else and its like one big experiment. there's no 'normal' way it could go. so i can't be 100% positive that my body will bounce back.
I notice my energy is ok, i still go walk around. I do seem to use it more sparingly, not just wasting it on things, and also have noticed a very strong desire to get rid of most of my belongings- of which I already had very little. I am not really feeling hunger, but the juice does ease some emotional edge.
The doubtful voice says things like my biology is sensing i'm dying or something, so it's purging belongings and 'life', or..that i dont have the mental capacity to deal with anything, so I'm getting rid of anything that would take energy.
but then there's the other side of- no, this is just the process, and there will be a scary skinny time, facing everything I've ever known about food and survival, and it will all resolve itself. Thing is, it's just such a LEAP! and the only way it to fully go there and risk it, which is why I felt I had to just do it. I also will be seeing a good friend and my parents for the first time in awhile, and I am noticeably thinner, and there's a concern that they will see 'disorder' or something, and not knowing exactly how to respond.
thanks for reading. any personal experience that you'd like to share, please do.
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Cameron.NZ



Joined: 30 Sep 2012
Posts: 65
Location: New Zealand

PostPosted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 9:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow, I really appreciate this post, as it's the closest to what my transition is as well... clearing out closets and moving personal 'stuff' out of my life.. I'm very aware that there's no one way that's going to work for everyone, and for me, I'm finding that I'm eating very consciously. Very slowly, 80+ chews of everything that goes into my mouth. Tiny sips of water or juice, a very little at a time. And feeling completely in love with this process, especially as my energy is quite good.

Noticeable weight loss, especially in arms and legs; no real hunger pangs, but definitely am still holding on to eating/drinking. Serves some level of contentment that I'm not as yet finding elsewhere, it seems.

And there is that voice that says I'm transitioning out of this life, and letting go of this density bit by bit.

Quite the process, all of this. My center is calm and tranquil, although others around me are concerned. How did the visit with your friend, and your parents, turn out? I'm wondering, especially as Christmas will be spent with family I haven't seen since last Christmas, and like you there's a concern with their perceptions, and how to respond.

Thank you, and to anyone else willing to share similar experiences.
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MicheleSt



Joined: 05 May 2012
Posts: 13

PostPosted: Wed Oct 17, 2012 6:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey- Thanks so much for this response, cameron.nz. I wrote this post a little while ago, and was sort of surprised to get no response at all, even as it seemed many were viewing it. I was surprised more hadn't related to these sort of daily, utilitarian parts of the process- or at least not enough to compel anyone to write.
I relate very much to what you said about food/drink still providing some contentment/enjoyment that you are not finding anywhere else.
Lately I've been getting this thought that eating is one of the only ways to 'hold on'- even for a brief period as it passes through- to something in this life experience. it seems everyone is always trying to grab onto things, or people, or ideals, disciplines, titles in this living experience, but you can't really ever hold anything. even a meal can be so tasty, but the taste literally passes away as quick as it comes. It's like sand through your fingers. With eating, it's one of the closest, most visceral ways to actually have something IN you, and experience that. it's hard to explain and in words it sounds a little fru fru Smile. i mean it in just a logical obvious kinda way.

life continues to be very simple here, so it's not like I'm needing a ton of energy for any sort of intense daily activity, but still, for the amount I actually swallow, I'd have a hard time at this point believing that I'm 'sustained' by what passes through me. I am now actually living around family. Some make occasional comments about no longer having a butt, or being very thin, but it's less intense and more sporadic than when i first arrived. there were conversations that had to happen that weren't totally comfortable. there was a looking at me as if something was wrong with me which is a weird sensation. At one point i felt a little paranoid that someone would take me to some place against my will or something. although no one threatened that at all. I just know how intense the belief in food is (even for me at times!), and I don't know how people will take it.
Beliefs are what people go to war for and take to their deaths!
I seem to be hanging around a certain weight that was a bit lower than I said I 'should' go.
But at the same time, when i have days and thoughts of "f''K it, i'll just let myself pig out today. stop being so different from the rest of the world'- i never end up really wanting to. I've cleared out so much crap (literally), that the idea of putting it back in, when it seems obvious that it does nothing but create trash in a tube that takes a long while to leave..well it seems quite silly.
I've also reflected that I'm not sure this body ever really successfully digested food. I had so many sensitivities and indigestion growing up. And have done a bunch of enemas this past year and have been SHOCKED by the amount that still comes out. (even as a raw fooder for all this time) it's been obviously sitting in there for A LONG time, and it's apparent that my colon just does not have an easy time moving things through. almost like it's not meant to do that.

somewhere i think i'm still not totally sure and/or ready. on one hand I feel like it's obvious i don't need food. i mean, i wouldn't say that i'm ever really 'hungry', and wouldn't my body tell me in some way if i really was dying of starvation or 'needing' something? Wouldn't I get headaches or super sluggish, or extremely moody? i don't feel much different at all from before. if i couldn't see my body in a mirror, i may not even have a clue that i'd lost weight, aside from my clothes not fitting the same.
seeing the friend was a bit more intense at the time too, as she used the word "frail", and just looked at me in a very judging/fearful way, which I felt was her own stuff, because I just don't think I either looked or was acting frail in any way. She thought I had less energy, but I wasn't engaging at all in gossip or things I didn't care about anymore, which could easily be read as reserved/removed. My mother was more concerned, I think, about what others' would judge it as. When I really asked her and dug a little, she didn't seem as concerned about actual health because she said I seemed to be functioning fine, not depressed, etc. She thought there was a possibility of my organs 'eating away' at themselves though. She said she didn't know alot about eating disorder, so she wouldn't know what to look for aside from such thinness which I was. She said I used to look better when I had more curves. Sturdier. I asked if she wanted to wrestle to test it out. I also feel a sort of hesitancy from her when we hug, as she can feel my body then and it makes it more palpable for her. and it's just different than she is 'used' to. I asked, if she didn't have a past 'me' to compare it to, would she think anything of it, besides maybe, 'oh, she's a skinny girl.' if I was a teenager, or an athlete, or a small girl from india or china or something- would it even be thought twice about? She said she didn't know because she DOES have a past me to compare to.

I offered, apprehensively when she was more concerned, to get blood tests to prove I was fine if she was that worried. But I honestly have no idea what those results would look like. what if my body is working something out and it's still in the middle of that? would it look like i was in danger, if i just went by blood and hormone levels? would a doctor judge my weight relatively against some 'norm' with a limited, tunnel vision, instead of really looking at me, and seeing i'm energetic, clear skin, clear headed, etc.
I don't know what I'm doing beyond experimenting and following a very persistent hunch. I couldn't say to anyone that my weight will 'level out' at some point. I can't really say anything for sure because I have no idea! All I can say when people ask is that if I was in danger wouldn't I feel it? wouldn't I feel bad in some way? should I go by a societal weight standard and worry even if I feel totally fine?
And in my own mind, how could I keep just eating the same as I always did with this possibility that it's not even necessary? it's strange to know that we may not actually need food, and then continue to eat, pay for the food, work to make money to pay for the food, etc. i feel that conflict often because then there's no longer this belief running that I have to 'fill up the tank." if it's not true- don't I have to find out for sure? i'm too curious. when you lose the main driving reason for doing something, it starts to feel weird to keep doing it after awhile. unless it's really enjoyable with or without a reason for it, I suppose.
I have only told a couple close people (one who is also on this 'path') what I have actually been thinking about the possible non-necessity of food. I haven't filled others in. To them, I was doing a cleanse, or after eating raw for so long, I just need less food. I don't feel ready or willing to field others' thoughts/fears on it yet. I wouldn't want to even go there before I know a bit more myself from actual experience.
I have read Steve Torrence's posts here so many times. And something rings so resonantly, that I think either, ok we're both nuts, or there must be truth there. it's really hard now to see, when looking logically, how a body could 'take' something from a piece of stuff that you swallow, and make it into energy to 'burn.'
Most of the people in somewhat public eye on this subject, come from a much more mystical, new age place that I just don't relate to. And I often doubt the sanity a little based on some of what I've seen. Steve's posts and some of Genesis' were the few things I've come across that just seem like a street level, basic human common sense angle. And often those common sense people don't have much interest in being 'public' at all. Food is just another drug. it's not about getting to a 'higher consciousness' (what does that even mean), or opening chakras or whatever, it's just basic biology. I'm not discounting that energy centers exist, or play a role, it's just I'm wanting to keep it simple and stick to ideas that even a child can get/knows by looking without 'learning' any more theories, etc. just provable sense.

But it is also literally facing everything I have ever known or thought (that I didn't even know I thought) about death and survival. It's on this crazy subtle line where the symptoms could look like both dying or just transitioning. And you have to fully go there to find out, but fully going there could also mean you pass some 'point' of no return. There are those doubts at times like, 'well yeah, you're not hungry anymore because the hunger stops and focuses all energy on trying to keep the body alive.' or the lack of interest in a lot of 'worldly things' could be both a collapsing into death and giving up, or it could be a total awakening into the reality of what life actually, truthfully is, without it's delusions. seeing through the b.s., and the incessant push toward consuming, being 'someone important', etc. it's so tricky!! that doubt flips back and forth.
well, this was a long response! it just came out. Thanks again Cameron for your response. and would be happy to relate on this stuff if you ever want to further. I don't have much of an outlet anywhere else!
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PranaChild



Joined: 30 Dec 2011
Posts: 75

PostPosted: Thu Oct 18, 2012 1:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

HI Cameron and MIchele!
Well I have posted here before and my path leading up to this has all been out of physical and mental health, spiritual calling, etc.
Well I was eating just to fit in, not freak out my family, etc. But something snapped in me and said enough. My body has had enough of feeling like crap from food. I didn't intend on things going like this but i am on my 18th day of no food or water. I have been detoxing heavily but it's all being replaced with peace and love. I am living with my folks and they are everyday on my back about it. I tell them I am juicing but even that concerns them. I refuse to sacrifice my path just to ease other's worries anymore, because I've already done that. For once I'm feeling so alive in a new way, but not so much like I want to go out and party and be "involved" in all sorts of worldly things. I am full of anxiety at the moment because I feel I need to find a place of my own out of my parents house. If I get too thin, they will throw me into a clinic or something!
Everyday I hug them and tell them I love them and appreciate them so much, but they still instill their fears and worries in me. I'm not sure when my body will want to accept food or water. I even put some water in my mouth but it does not want to go down. I suck on ice because i love the cold sensation, but do not swallow anything! I'm wondering if I should just continue and let them get used to this or start looking for somewhere else to go? It's very expensive here. But I love being by the ocean. it is my breakfast to go swimming/barefoot walking! haha!
I'm so grateful to you both for posting on here. I don't feel so alone!
My energy actually is great though. I surfed all morning and had the most excellent form ever. I'm wondering if I will hit a weak period though. For now I'm just moving through a lot of emotions.
I'm praying and crying quite a bit. This isn't dogma here, it's just a natural path that I/we have been called to walk. I get it.
Anyway, thanks and look forward to more posts.

<3


Last edited by PranaChild on Mon Oct 21, 2013 7:17 am; edited 1 time in total
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Cameron.NZ



Joined: 30 Sep 2012
Posts: 65
Location: New Zealand

PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 5:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was definitely getting the feeling that I was all alone on this forum these days... so grateful for the responses from both of you!

Michele, it seems that you're a few steps ahead on the same path; I'm really appreciative of your sharing. The very concept of living without food or drink goes against everything I've ever learned: the less I've taken in, the more I've been expecting body symptoms like bladder infections, or headaches, just for examples: they're not showing up! I'm from a medical background, and my husband is a naturopathic doctor, so I'm really really paying attention at this level to what's going on in my body.

Fortunately, my husband has had some background with raw foodists, so he doesn't actually view me judgmentally for loss of weight or body fat. Plus we work outside on our property together, and he can see I'm actually quite a bit stronger than in the past. He does, however, mention at every opportunity - either to me or to others - how "skinny" I am..

I work part time in the doctor's surgery where he works as well... had a bit of a fright yesterday, when the nurse commented on how thin I was, and I certainly should put on some weight. I didn't say anything, and just smiled, but inside I felt a bit of fear, thinking that in the not-too-distant future there may be a challenge here. Just like you were saying, a bit of paranoia that someone might take me away against my will. I think as long as my husband doesn't get too concerned, it'll be okay. Part of what I've done to disguise my shrinking was to take my work clothes to get altered... wearing the same clothes seems to not call attention to the body changes so much.

He doesn't know this is the direction I'm going, no one does -- I just don't want to deal with everyone's anxieties and judgments. Not only because of not eating or drinking, but also because I've thought for a long time that my transition off this Earth wouldn't be far into the future, and I'm really content with that possibility -- but it wouldn't be a conversation I could have with him. Maybe in the future, but definitely not now.

I just wonder how it has been possible to have this belief in "eat and drink or die" so deeply in my cells that even when I've been uncomfortable from eating, or had reactions to foods, or had to eat just because everyone around me was... it's taken until NOW to realise that my body was telling me there's another way of 'being'! Deeply paying attention now, I'm finding that I don't really get hungry, although thirst is still a big deal for me. I'm drinking way less than I ever have -- used to be a 2 or 3 litres of water a day girl; now it's down to maybe a cup or 2.. The thought that what I considered a digestive system is actually an elimination system... it's hard to get my head around, but I'm beginning to believe this is true.

You had offered to get blood tests to prove you were fine; I don't know what they would show, really. I had some done a number of weeks ago, when absolutely everything I swallowed hurt the tip of my stomach. All tests came back normal. I went for a teeth cleaning this morning; she remarked at the health of my mouth. For anyone who's looking past the "look", they see clear eyes, clear skin and hair, mentally competent...

"Persistent hunch"... that feels right. I simply have to know where this goes. It feels like a test (thinking of James Earl Jones' character in "Field of Dreams" going through the corn.. ) I think because I'm okay with the idea that this could be my time for transition, it's making me feel a bit more surefooted in this direction. I've feeling very quiet, very peaceful, very calm; my body feels like it knows what it's doing, and I just get to pay attention. It's interesting, that's for sure!! My head is more continually focused on not eating and not drinking than I'd like; I hope this changes soon..

Amy, was really happy to see your post -- I'd read your blog a while back, and had wondered what had happened with your life. Congratulations for your 18th day! Has it continued easily, with less and less detox as you go along? Thank you for sharing what's going on in your body, and your mind..

It's got to be really challenging to deal with the every day anxieties of loved ones around; you're both really courageous!! Perhaps my time is coming, it just hasn't happened yet. I do find that I put some food in my mouth whenever my husband eats, whether I want it or not. Just not ready to deal with that.. Like you said, Amy -- eating to fit in, not freak him out..

Sorry for the long post; I'm so relieved to be sharing here with you Very Happy
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PranaChild



Joined: 30 Dec 2011
Posts: 75

PostPosted: Wed Oct 24, 2012 6:58 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Cameron! I have updated my blog tremendously if you want to look: pranachild.blogspot.com.

I tried eating for four days and it just ruined me. I am still sick! Even just mainly fruits and avo. My throat did not want to swallow anything but I forced anyway.

Well what you say...leaving the earth. I have felt I will (and want) to go into a different dimension. The more the process goes on though, my mind is confused about what it wants. It wants to stay in society, but it wants to completely go into nature. My body started looking beautiful. Curves and muscles. I'm really uncertain at this point. What I 'want" . Somedays I think I can start my own business, design things, make art, learn music, but many times I don't see a point as well. I don't know how my purpose would unfold here in this dimension. I'm not entertained really.

It's very confusing. I can't tell sometimes if society is throwing me off or keeping me grounded. I have options of going to some nice places in nature, where people live that have been following my blog.

I get confused by the breatharians that have gone before us, like Akahi and camila, Victor Truviano, etc. They are still here on the planet... I have no clue! It's really confusing.

So are you currently just drinking?
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Cameron.NZ



Joined: 30 Sep 2012
Posts: 65
Location: New Zealand

PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2012 11:05 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

PranaChild wrote:
So are you currently just drinking?


Hi Amy... still practicing CE, albeit taking in less and less. I'm a bit on the level-headed side, almost cautious, and want to move in this direction slowly and surely; not setting myself up for too many disappointments, you know? So I question everything, probably every day, wonder about digestion vs. elimination, and choose very consciously what I put into my body.. Especially as I'm married to a doctor, I don't want to raise any alarms, because he has the capacity to stick me in hospital and put an IV in my arm and stop my process -- already we have the 'too skinny' conversation every single day, and I'm challenged to keep peace and continue on at the same time.
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Airnalize



Joined: 28 Feb 2013
Posts: 12
Location: Denmark

PostPosted: Fri Mar 01, 2013 1:25 am    Post subject: Leaving earth? Reply with quote

Hi

Thank you for your beautiful sharings all. It is very inspiring for me to read.

I have done Akahi's 8 day process twice. And I have seen all the YouTube videos I could find and read every homepage about it. But not this one. Finally I read all these amazing posts that are very deep and real. So many details from personal processes - so much information. Just what I need right now.

Since my first 8 Day Pranic Process in August 2012 I have mainly been eating fruit when by myself. I have participated in dinners partly during workhours and with family. I only take a little bit and I make sure to enjoy what I do from the viewpoint that if you think negative, the experience will for sure become negative.

My approach to this path is both considering the energy aspect a lot and also philosophical in the way that I need to wrap my mind around the idea and it's results deep into the roots and back again. The energy aspect is probably what you would call the spritual aspect. I see it more as a way to use language - to speak to the emotions.

What I just read in your post, Pranachild / Amy about leaving the Earth and why is Akahi and Camila still here, surprised me. Thinking about it, I have come to this conclusion that I will share with you. It comes from an article I wrote, because a friend of mine did an interview with me on the subject:

"Earth is the only place, where individuated high frequency (souls) can have physical experience. It is a fast lane for souls to gain experience. To get access to the Earth experience, the souls frequency needs to become much lower and then the "cirkus" begins with eons of earthly experience to finally end back in the high frequency again and out of that circuit. But first happiness must be manifest on Earth, so that the very highest frequency also can experience physical incarnation."

You can ask yourself why that high frequency is needed to be here on Earth? To stay with this way of thinking: Earth is also a soul but on another level. And this entity also needs evolution as do all the Universe in one constant movement.

That is the short version of why I think that we are staying on Earth. We are not leaving her. We are going together to the next level.

I send you my warmest loving greetings
Ernalise
♡ ☆ ❍
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Cameron.NZ



Joined: 30 Sep 2012
Posts: 65
Location: New Zealand

PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 10:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ernalise,

Would I be able to read that interview? I'm very interested..
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