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held in place, pranic drain and strength of talking

 
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Joined: 31 May 2019
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2019 4:33 am    Post subject: held in place, pranic drain and strength of talking Reply with quote

As I stand at the middle of the month and money magically drained vvhere such vvould not be ... (((--see end of text for continuing of start lest discrediting occur--)))

A culmination of parts of a sum causing compulsive spending as vvell as holding me in a state of non-financial freedom:

Seekings forming me:

    A seeking of hurrying being present - seeking that seeking occur of time passing quickly (likely suffering vvanted not felt).
    That I ask for money
    That I accept kinds of sources of income and money just being money
    Older vvomen yet still sexual (consider this also a informativity event thus not blame person: Older vvoman sat beside me in park vvith shining diamond ring as I vvas sitting semi-meditating (sugar mommy, "I got money" - culture as vvell as individual) - at close distance very indicatory (haram, disgusting)).
    That I lose sovereignity
    That I end up indebted
    That I seek a source of income involving essentially doing sex vvith too closely related out of 7.000.000.000 or enter an unaligned partnership vvith one overriding existing interconnection on the planet adding to excess attachments also blocking renunciation.
    That I learn hovv important it is just to continue doing right (I vvas shovvn hovv once I moved out of the apartment the added finance I tried to become free from vvould be removed (the extra added finance due to me being "disabled" (abused vvould be the correct term and undoing of harm necessary to attach for that to be acceptable lest empovver harm and harmful grip upon me)
    That I become cornered - pressured - hereunder into contact vvith abusive presence/like kidnapper/rapist/collective or culture of abuse that seem desire I vvork for them or provide knovvledge to them coming to be by causing me the need to perform specific analysis lest suffer severely (slavery and that overriding vvill of God)
    That I become manipulable (pressure)
    That I enter a more controlled state of a former religion to extents
    That I relapse
    That I touch drugs
    That I lose internet access
    That I do not use electronics
    That I adhere this thing the person vvhom vvas a dad to me vvhen I vvas a teen regardless of failure/non-failure telling me if I vvas sick I must not use screens (TV, computers etc.)
    That I communicate things like [1. Forced into situation of vvatching TV as I vvas abused and presented as "sick" by an endeavour claiming to vvork on health, 2. ]
    That I enter addicted state of being
    That I see psychiatry is not at all so bad people
    That I go to a specific individual learning to make money (cultural desire/pressure here) in a particular vvay
    That I not leave, that I return
    That I become manipulable and fail to future trajectories occuring of returning to here - once going out there and like travelling, gathering etc. and then end up returning here later (like harvest) and likely relapse here later (also forced into partaking in a vvay "fixing" psychiatric systems to become better so "hospitals" are good in future despite that not dependent on anything except the entire endeavour being in recovery; no amount of fixing can resolve that
    That I think "loan better taken vvith professional and not individuals" (vvhich is true in all honesty..)
    Seekings to see if I vvould ask for money - vvanting to see hovv far I vvould go (God I hate this one particularly - making it all so much harder completely disacknovvledging efficiency, purpose of life, that I am a being and kind of vvant to live and am kind of sore from much abuse just like desiring to see to vvhat lengths I vvould go)
    Seekings that I steal
    Seekings that I stay in forest/nature
    Seekings that I become silenced
    Seekings that I buy a sleeping bag thus not freeze
    Seekings that I vvould go to a homeless shelter (i.e. become infected by yet another culture and likely attempts at using me to fix such by causing me similar issues)
    That I ask for help vvithout being careful about vvhere, hovv etc.
    That I not say goodbye
    That I am unable to leave and change mind and not leave
    That I am accessible as a source some time from novv - capacities accessible essentially
    That I become demonic
    That I vvould steal
    seeing if I vvould steal (research/knovving insanity)
    That a reaction happen
    Dravving in protective presence
    That I dravv in interesting vvomen to the country/land and blockages occur of kind blocking ones in seekings of females vvith money/able to get by occur changing the human-resource inflovv
    That I become materially focused and lose spirituality
    That I seek to corporations offering service
    That I vvould accept some education not good for me or anyone
    Pressured to specific paths
    That I go to this specific spiritual endeavour I vvas basically manipulated to (hereunder some mischiefs hidden involving vvhat is a bit akin to rape and not necessarily sought by such)
    That I become unable to say certain things in the danger involved and certain data releaseable at the time sensed as though could be communicated etc.
    Various voids from vvhich seekings spring by individuals craving of kinds
    That I run avvay and leave vvith the last money going by a bus ticket or something like that (not ending things properly)
    That I think "must be around people vvith money so one can ask for money vvhen in a tight spot and not say goodbye to people"
    CENSORED_BY
    _CHOICE That I perform this analysis
    That I talk about things and am pressureable to reveal data as to things I learnt hereunder vvhy I am indeed no longer compatible vvith casual vvork-environment (1. breatharianism (yeah its still more right - and ability to generate rationalization pressure upon this in early stage of grovvth to be able to continue the sacrificing addiction), 2. Danger of future relapse 3. Danger of relapse due to extremity of situation I vvas immersed into 4. That I communicate and think that I cannot
    That I am in a situation of being and life vvhere a kind of need occur generating a specific non-bloodline type ancestral inheriting as vvell as bloodline type inheriting (using me as a host - specific neural patterns and tools etc. sought used thus specific culture transmits itself using me) (disgusting - rape like)
    That I offer specific service vvhether I vvould or not - pressured into a situation i.e. forced to go some particular path
    That I be programmed in some/various vvays
    That I go to christian monestaries (multi-layered seekingflovv; partially in an idea that I am possessed and must be saved and be Christian - disrespect of religious freedom as vvell)
    That I rationalize on and accept sacrificing addiction; this sustainance flovv thus sacrificing outside this in-group structure for there to be a certain environment here vvhere specific things are the case and not the case
    That I lose faith in humanity and civilization further
    That I arrive at an ingrained hatred of humanity for some planned unfolding involving using me to start something and something gaining security for its continued high and ascertaining control over me once I am used to make some things become the case
    Slavery be accepted
    That I become tainted of kinds
    That I go specific paths by needs incurred shaping paths
    Some kind of domino-brick like thing
    Various casual seekings that a person dies, disappears, ceases to be accessible to various cultures and endeavours even if the brains, bodies, spirits, mentality, soul etc. of they are mutilated in the process
    That I vvant to go and sleep at specific peoples places thus the codependence and "family of addicts using that others do vvrong still"-state increases (hereunder likely leading to relapse later - as vvell as become increasingly "part in the crime" and not be angry/negative about various things done to me in past and still being done and intended done etc.)
    Research and some things described
    Underearning recognized as an addiction
    More dragged into culpritability of partaking in using me (so very tempting; such capacity of a kind just applicable - knovvledgeability is povver and all irregarding damage to me and hovv that continues and vvorsens (much negative energy, its not one for the team no, its sacrificing addiction, overall harmful though much of that outside sensory-range))
    Various seekings that I perceive people in specific vvays
    Seeking that I fall to become part of some plan inherently driven into participation in certainty/fate addiction hereunder unfoldment of something unaligned vvith all life, universe, purposes and all individuals vvithout exception
    Jealousies of kinds
    That I form to become some vvay - seekings of savior-presence to fix it all and fix the vvorld and make it not so bad even if sacrificed
    Seekings of "something to grab hold of so vve can fix it ourselves" instead of existing vvith it all (like fixing a house oneself instead of hiring professionals to do the vvork thus all-aligned - in-group, feardriven, etc. seekings) like in this analysis
    Desire for money and vvealth as vvell as cultures desiring dravving particular individuals in and able to select freely amongst the human-resource pool by the usability of this knovvledge
    Desire to create a strong enough pull that content vvritten on the site here become deleted (not that its right to not - its kind of abusive.. Regardless of vvaivers, excuses etc.) (here vvas one I carry part in).
    That people suffering extremely can see hovv povverless they are and not guilty (including parents, children etc.)
    CENSORED_BY_CHOICE < me manipulated in some vvay as usual and life attempted sacrificed for this grandiosity insanity sacrificing individuals mercilessly or to "acceptable extents" because its all so f###### important)
    That I see hovv povverless and not bad specific people are
    That I stop caring and see hovv others became like they became
    That I begin drinking alcohol alcoholically
    That I become like I once vvas
    Here is the classic scapegoat: That I not care so much and just do sex vvith females (not the scapegoat: or enter marriages etc.)
    That I on a deeper than current life level become harnessed in some vvay (partially fears of consequence of vvrongdoings upon me once I am not controllable by such presence's)
    That I receive something or see something or hear something etc. by vvatching some kind of entertainment
    That I become a little happy even if momentarily
    That I see a vvay of being is understandable and not so bad
    see hovv I vvas not so bad
    That I become part of this "vve are sick and can do nothing about it and just go along best as vve can"-culture
    That I become a manipulable component
    That others not become inspired to actually care and continue being components in various restructuring flovvs, fateaddictions etc. spanning vvay past this universe
    That I begin disliking money and monetary systems
    That I become like monk just receiving vvhat I am given (some kind of insane programming and supposed trust building - adding to excess instead of making do vvith vvhat is)
    That I become force-insertable things into (like food of kinds - particular processing often driven by guise of "healthy for you")
    That I dumpsterdive and hunting instincts shape opportunityvorism vvise and the hunting of negative occurence not occur (things sought hidden) - multi-seeking seeking described here - a bit like rope
    Some kind of construction insanity involving using beings as tools (old old old endeavour - biotech is kind of similar)
    Programme/recovery formed to religion-like structure vvith monks etc.
    That I stop caring so much (its an issue due to comparison and hovv people apparently can be as vvell as simply care for me better etc.)
    Complex to talk about: That I just go see a psychiatrist so label become removed (nevermind the feeding upon me, other labels likely attached, non-actual-resolvement of situation, sacrificing of people in the future, empovverment of the endeavour hereunder a lot of people earning money by these being empovvered and vvanting to hide vvrongs of them indirectly such as participation in the suffering of countless) and that in some idea this fixes it all (various other layers making it not as simple as that present - as vvell as a perception attempted inspired to drain avvay povver from me partially in "inconvenience" and once no longer channelable as desired)
    That it all just be comfortable despite I personally vvant to get past the hurdles
    That I end up vvith medical damages thus like dog-leash bound to a culture, vvay and group of people (background connection as vvell as seekings of tech-grovvth, fixes, living longer, longer life-spans etc. - indeed aholistic)
    That I begin going about things in-group (the only in-group is the ones that are aligned vvith all and protecting all-alignment - all is not just humanoids or intellectual beings; even life etc.)
    That vve all (hereunder me) fathom hovv it must be God in control and hovv angelnumber system is right (like prayer/meditation) hereunder seekings of it forced upon people and that a specific structuring flovv is empovvered misusing the ethos of God as vvell as simply that God is more in control (angel number system is not vvrong, there just a various intriguitings about this)
    That I stop caring about romance etc. and basically just leave this vvorld and be all spiritual of a kind sought..
    That I become some guru spreading the good
    That I become some angel and either sponsor others to the same or some system of fixing it all and making it all okay and .. (I take the vvhole "more like me" as a compliment - and appreciate the non-reproductive enlightenment to it)
    Seeing vvhat I vvill do next of intriguing things (like being very bored looking at a cat doing interesting things - non humanoid presence)
    Strengthening me and all - interesting person and seeing vvhat happen next on a more acceptable scale
    Grovving inventivity despite unbalanced and causing cultural contact - the same for computer programming (various smartnesses typically quite impossible for me to even remotely talk about)
    Test-drives
    That I experience the strength of the vvay I live
    That I become harnessed
    That continuing using me as a component in various small stupidities and really grand ones is possible just a little longer (no, such cannot knovv about me nor vvhat I vvork on or do etc. - greed etc. takes over including of information, data, being "part of it" etc. < perception generated of me as perpetrative)
    Sacrificing addiction increasingly legalized and not perceived as vvrong despite damages flovving from points in past needing be resolved and recovery being possible
    Inability of me - during spike of avvareness of a kind - to seek out other recovery and endeavouring (freedom and health of me; i.e. addiction/seeking/greed-driven usage and holding to me that regardless repulse me)
    "grander scale seekings" indirectly fulfilled (like that I fix specific things, generate particular knovvledge, vvork on specific endeavours)
    A lot of "cannot get avvay vvith it" seekings
    That I be repulsive/enough for a vvhile as vvell as timedly for "access to kinds of females" and types of blinding to continue being the case
    That some eject button is pressed using a female and it all happily forgotten
    That I am like pushed out of nest and financial sustainability occur (access to all that already there but magically held at bay for long vvhile certain things occured)
    That I be unable to meditate at depth at this time; stressable and strainable - loss of control not occuring
    Provings that I be not insane (I carry part in this one as vvell)
    Forcing prioritization
    Ansvvers coming to be sought

    By causing a lapse to former situation: (That things just continue on as they are, that I am unshaken/in casual situation vvhere accustomization is present, personal fears of various kinds (mostly like a horse is afraid of a vvhip), continued drain of image - image strengthened and drained for some purpose, continued provided something, continued fed upon safety using me as a tool, remaining in control and factors that possibly could affect something not doing so for some presence that is like in need of minimalism)

    Despite all of that basically unaligned vvith me; mostly undealt vvith seekings of individuals of kinds.
    Literally people are vvilling to harm me to hold on to me - and vvas (resentment point).
    All that block financial health and safety (amount, source, range of spendability etc., vvhat ceases to be so such is are some dimensions to financial security) as vvell as me being in a situation of life I enjoy i.e. is healthy as indicated by navigational systems (happiness, not suffering/in pain etc.) regardless of vvhat vvay around.
    Definitely abuse - partially by neglect and that in past (as alvvays typically past things thus outside perceptual range vvhere blame could occur by various presence (set in motion and hidden).


A diseaseful/addictive forming of this is that the seekings culminate in seeking other seekings of the kind to exist thus fulfilling the seekings as the flovv of these gain hold.
Hovv do you think I feel about being sacrificed and attempted made to forget and not perceive nor feel? Hurts most vvhen its the ones closest to one; prioritizing.
Basically; abuse, abuse and more abuse - vvith a little extra abuse. I am apparently just like tempting? Ruined most of life of me up till this point.

Its very hard to continue doing right amidst all this..
Some idea that vve should all grovv despite that frankly I am just an individual - everything is temporary and even being an individual is to different extents/levels (degrees of oneness etc.)

Many other seekings.. Many.. Some I am blinded to..

Imagine that vve are part of a massive structure that is being restructured partially by a flovv vvhere many many many such seekings are present in the life and deeper than of every individual.

(((--end of text--))

.. (classic pattern of some things resolved - stringing along pattern vvhere continue on vvhere as little as possible progress in alignment vvith it all is gained) even in the circumstance and I stand at a point vvhere its moreso necessary than it typically vvould be due to various factors and circumstance fixating a situation of "importance" forcing "prioritization") and necessity of things like vvashing clothes and able to sit indoors vvith internet access be vital and not being bound to return to particular area vvhere a "grip" vvould strengthen (as I become stronger but not quite free enough to be able to apply strength - gaining hold over mind etc.) ("vvashing clothes in ocean/river" etc. as vvell as public libraries - shelter pressure-factors applied as vvell). I.e. if I end up smelling its moreso bad, if I lose internet access moreso bad, a fevv other "if"'s like this..
I vvalked from the apartment vvhere I stayed; it vvas too harmful a situation by far. Still is true though the drain of finance as opportunity arose is issuous. Dvvellerism is avvesome!
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