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awa food journal
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Mon Sep 22, 2014 5:29 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

9/21/14

some bites of soursop + mamey sapote,
maybe 200g+125g

just kind of ate all day, maybe had 7 pounds of bananas
2 sm persimmons
210g avo flesh
6 medium mangos

1 stale rice cake no salt
140g sunflower seeds no salt maybe oil not sure, were cooked + pretty good
juiced 1 lemon in mouth

was kind of just looking around kitchen still hungry at like 630 pm and found.. this stuff... could of been worse. will weigh myself soon and post here.

this meditation center is closing its doors soon, we won't run any more courses. i think i'll leave here between 9/27 and 10/15 give or take a bit, but i have no idea where i'll head or what my next calling is. but i'm ready for a change of pace really, this was a blessing in disguise, though it's a big transition and doesn't seem that great right now.

i am thinking of loitering around here a bit, because it's an ideal environment, and might have some alone time here briefly. but... we'll see... don't really want to get caught on this side of the lava... though that seems like a remote possibility.

also, most of this stuff will be broken down and put into storage for a long time... maybe 0-5 years etc... so it's like... i sort of feel like taking some items i might need for myself like a tent , sleeping pad , etc... but i don't have anywhere to store them, and they would quickly become a liability... i can't say i'm opposed to taking them though if i think would put to better use than them... i know still stealing but... whatever...

been doing some yoga / exercises each morning if i have energy ( the day after nocturnal emissions i just took it easy though of course ) which is most every day.

RBE- enjoy your fast I will be with you in spirit : )

Also I think I wrote down some goals a long time ago in this thread

1. waterfast 37 days this year - so far i have 2 days done, this goal is seeming tougher but still possible right? I got 90+ days left in the year haha

2. walk on my hands - haven't really been working that hard towards this, still i stand on my hands a few minutes a day but ... i need to work on the balance aspect as well as keep building strength... will try to focus on this more

3. climb coconut trees - i have been able to successfully do this quite a few times with a very little amount of equipment! i feel like i actually accomplished this to my satisfaction though of course i'm still a novice

4. get a drivers license - still haven't done this one : )

5. i can't remember if i had any more goals but ... will check back + add more later.

: )
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Tue Sep 23, 2014 5:08 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

9.22.14

break-fast : SOURSOP tea

6x stale rice cakes
4 pounds nanas
150g brown rice
170g avo flesh
600g oranges
100mL+ honey
3 coconut's water
1 thin coconut's meat
2 lemons juiced in mouth

3 hrs meditation
sunbath maybe 10 min
sungaze 7 min
overcast most of the day, been craving more sun, not sure if the clouds are "rain clouds" or from nearby lava flow burning up trees and stuff

really felt some strong healing going on earlier in day b4 i stuffed myself, felt like soursop tea definitely worked. going to try to keep at that
hoping to diminish a cyst attached to one of my testicles ! feeling a bit tired today. worked a decent amnt but also rested .
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 5:57 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

let's try to recount 9.23.14,

meditate 2 hrs

ate 2.5# bananas
1.5 cocos of young meat
5 cocos of water

4 heads lettuce
210g mac nuts
300g avo flesh
700g tomatoes
170g cucumber

lot of sunbathing, maybe a couple minutes sungazing
did some stretching + yoga in the morning, got myself a bit sore
also climbed 2 coco trees, one was pretty tall, got myself a bit sorer
didn't work today,
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Thu Sep 25, 2014 6:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

9,24,14

meditated 3hrs. maybe just few minutes of sungazing max

did some very minor stretches, very sore today. got stung by a hornet or wasp or some

food

6ish+ pounds bananas
4 oz sunflower seeds
water of 2 cocos
meat of 1 young coco
some water
stalk of celery
maybe 500g of cooked white rice
170g avo flesh

was up late til like 930 pm last night, hoping to be in bed by like 830 tonight , we'll see.
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Fri Sep 26, 2014 11:31 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

9,25,14

med 3 hrs
hand really swollen from 1 wasp sting, think im allergic, now today 9,26 its bit better than yesterday but still can't do much work

which is unfortunate since it's kind of a critical time

yesterday
2.3kg bananas
160g avo flesh
1kg baked potatoes w skin
2 smallish lemons

sungazed a few minutes
xoxo
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 5:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BwpheQ7XHzkcUW1PckdFTEt5X2JSMGhjN0pyQVNtblhRUnZJ/edit?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BwpheQ7XHzkcZEt6MnFoWHJVdEk/edit?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BwpheQ7XHzkcNXNvNVlNS2JULWM/edit?usp=sharing
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Sat Sep 27, 2014 5:39 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

9,26,14



1.6kg bananas
225g avo flesh
4 papayas
( ran out of bananas on this today, today will be a bit difficult (9/27( but i got a lot of potatoes i guess... heh... going to be a tough day of work ptetnailly also but that's ok.
EDIT: +450g baked potatoes
250g steamed bok choy
80g mac nuts
juice of 2 small lemons

meditate 3 hrs
0 sungazing
hand still pretty swollen but worked hard with my left hand... : )

have a lovely day everyone : )
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Sun Sep 28, 2014 4:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

9.27.14

3.5 papayas
1 banana

3.5 pounds of baked potatoes
a lot of water
5 big spoonfuls of rather salty hummus
water of 2 coconuts
maybe a pound of cooked veggies w salt + oil, mostly carrots, potatoes?, onion? cabbage? a few mushrooms but i spit some of them out wasn't really feeling those moreso than the other "food" not sure what else can't remember
-maybe 300-400 of cooked zucchini/tofu/daikon?/ i dunno what else
i felt like this mixture had little or no salt, and light or no oil
- planning to have juice of 2-4 lemons ton ight before i sleep
and maybe some water or coco water but definitely no other solids.
luckily it's only 5pm and i got some 3-4 hrs to digest before bed.

was a tough day today. shane + alvin were really stressed out, and overworked. they just left to go to the ocean now am here by myself

body generating a lot of mucous of course after this kind of binge. my hand was feeling well enough to cut open some cocos but i can't really make a fist well. hand still a little swollen but... think it will be nearly 100% tomorr.w

will meditate 3 hrs b4 i sleep tonight. stomach hurting a bit.
kind of disappointed in myself for binging, there was really no reason for it, not much fruit around right now, but that's just excuse i could eaisly fast for a day or 2 and will go to the market tomorrow and really stock up as much as can.

this was most stressful week in some ways that i plan to have for a while, a lot of people came and went from here and brought some strange energies with them.

during this last meditation course from 8/27 to 9/7ish, i kept thinking of this person called joanna, who i met here at the "meditation center" much earlier this year,, we served together for some times, and she went back to australia a few months ago? and i had a lot of lustful thoughts in my head.

now am not thinking of her nearly as much. but when i do , it's kind of enjoyable. and i think of her in my heart sometimes, not just my head.

i don't know if i believe in soul mates or love or marriage or any of that. my parents divorced when i was sabout 13, and it was like... i led a very sheltered life... i didn't really know anyone whose parents were divorced , maybe 1 person. i thought love was forever, it was a big shock for me. i suppose i could say i grew up in an upper-middle class suburb, where nothing bad ever happened.

I don't even know what love is or what ii'm blabbing about , in the end... none of this can really be understood by the mind. sometimes i really feel so strongly. other times it's like ... oh well maybe that's just lust and it will pass away... we'll see

even to this day, i don't take change very well... you'd think after a few vipassana courses... but, still very difficult for me to accept bigchanges.


Last edited by Awareness on Tue Sep 30, 2014 5:22 am; edited 1 time in total
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Awareness



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Posts: 140

PostPosted: Mon Sep 29, 2014 5:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i feel kind of silly about my last post, this belief of spending your life with one person is so limiting. maybe i will end a celibate monk, or maybe i'll have kids with 20 different women, or maybe i'll get married to one person and stick with them my whole life. i'm sure we'll be much content no matter the case.

and i enjoyed the time i spent with her very much, and i know having any expectations of the future is crazy, and maybe we'll never meet again in this life ; )

meditated 2 hrs
0 sungazing
my hand is about 100% better now ( night of 9/28 )- perfect timing as always.
kind of a rainy but sunny day here.

will try to recount my foods:
1 persimmon
2 papayas
8 bananas, maybe 700g w peels

900g baked potatoes
1 papaya
250g mac nuts
700g lettuce
1kg tomatoes
400g cucumbers
200mL orange juice
125g baby bok choy
some cilantros

75mL lemon juice
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Tue Sep 30, 2014 5:26 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

meditate 2 hrs
sunbath maybe 1 hr+
sungaze very few minutes
did a few exercises.
my hand not swollen at all any more
climbe 1 coco tree but all the cocos were kind of old was disappointing.

ate:
2 persimmons
maybe 5.5 papayas
soursop tea first thing in morning!
5 pounds bananas
170g mac nuts
juice of 1 orange
juice of 2 lemons
pooped a lot today , probably cause volume of salad,
feeling pretty good i never really overfilled myself too badly
although, i have so much fat on my body, it's really holding me back,
no more buying mac nuts! ever ! ever! : ) please : )
current inventory of mac nuts : 0
current inventory of junk food : a lot
cio fruit: a lot of bananas + papas
and some too young cocos.

kind of casually looking for work to make money, putting it out there at least.
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Awareness



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Posts: 140

PostPosted: Wed Oct 01, 2014 6:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

2 hrs meditation
few min sunbathing+gazng

ate :
soursop tea
1 pineapple juiced in mouth rlly burned tongue
3 abius

5 pounds bananas
maybe 3 -4 young coconuts just water.,
maybe 300g baby bok choy
and some leftover homemade dressing ( mac nut, cilantro, papa, OJ)
2 lemons juiced

that's all can remember,slept a lot today was really tired
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Awareness



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Posts: 140

PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 4:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

meditate 2 hrs
small sunbathing but clouds in the way

ate
soursop tea
4 papayas
5 pounds bananas

drank 1 coconut, some water

2 pounds lettuce
1 pound bok choy
600g tomatoes
400g cucumber
4 oranges juice, 120g sesame seeds, very sm yc meat
2 lemons juiced

didn't work an y today, pretty tired all day, some pus coming out of my right leg.
xoxo,
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2014 6:46 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

10-2-14
no sun really today. reading thru demian again. have noticed i really don't like being alone with myself too much, much rather have book or comp to distract me during free time : )

meditated 2 hrs
ate 6# bananas
13 rice cakes ! ( 60 cals each, no salt about 240g total, 19g each) couldn't believe i wanted them all... but didn't really get like an overfilled feeling like i got yesterday with the salad... i really have to cut back volume of salad
1!!!
130g avo flesh
1 or 2 abius
2 persimmons
meat of young real young coco
water of 2 young cocos
juice of 1 lemon
juice of 1 orange
quit eating at 5pm, started eating early at like 7 am, usually i wait til 8am cause meditateion from 7-8
was really tired today, did some work but didn't really want to but we didn't work that hard.
the "rules" are starting to get bent a bit, like the site managers are hiding the fact that they're eating meat less and less...
it's kind of just funny like we do vipassana meditation and supposedly these 5 precepts"
no killing, no stealing, no lying, no intoxicants, can't remember the 5th one... and i mean nobody's perfect but it's just ufnny like these guys who have been meditating EVERY DAY for 2 hours a day for the last 20 years...
and somehow they convinced themselves eating flesh isn't killing... taking milk/honey isn't stealing... coffee isn't an intoxicant... etc... etc...etc...
whatever even bananas are an intoxicant ; )
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AlwaysAnyWayFree



Joined: 29 Sep 2014
Posts: 27
Location: Florida, US

PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2014 11:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awareness wrote:
10-2-14
the rules are starting to get bent a bit, like the site managers are hiding the fact that theyre eating meat less and less...
it's kind of just funny like we do vipassana meditation and supposedly these 5 precepts
no killing, no stealing, no lying, no intoxicants, can't remember the 5th one... and i mean nobody's perfect but it's just ufnny like these guys who have been meditating EVERY DAY for 2 hours a day for the last 20 years...
and somehow they convinced themselves eating flesh isn't killing... taking milk/honey isn't stealing... coffee isn't an intoxicant... etc... etc...etc...
whatever even bananas are an intoxicant


i love how you said that last part that i put in bold. i wish my partner would realize that, and accept it and adjust. .

i think there is this disconnect between what people think they are eating and what they are actually eating because theres all these vague unclear euphemistic innocent nonviolent names that have, over the centuries, been put in place in peoples heads, and casually and thoughtlessly accepted, instead of letting themselves stop and think about it for a minute and accepting and calling it out for what it really is, like:

--- "meat" is really ""horrified-suffering-tortured-innocent-dead-animal-body-brown-rotten-putrefying-acid-corpse-flesh""

--- and "milk/dairy/cheese/icecream/yogurt/butter" is really ""bovine-hormone-gross-pus-tit-secretion-with-moldy-fungus-stolen-from-enslaved-mama-cows-and-babies"",

--- and "honey" is really ""reguritated-acid-bee-vomit-from-flying-fuzzy-buggies-with-pointy-stinger-thingies"",

--- and ""eggs"" are really ""hen-ovulation-female-period-goo-gunk-from-feathery-animal-vagina-with-sharp-beak""


Last edited by AlwaysAnyWayFree on Sun Oct 05, 2014 4:59 am; edited 3 times in total
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Posts: 140

PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 3:54 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

10.3.2014
med 2 hrs
maybe 10 min sunbathing iirc

ate in no particular order
3 big abiu
300g avo flesh
1.5 tree tomatoes
5# bananas
2 lemons
water
2 coconut waters
1 young sm coconut meat
7 rice cakes
1 sm white sapote

today ( 10.4 )
kind of having a rough day, really overcast hardly much sun all day
not really vibing that well with the two "site manager" people here, i really can't wait to have this place ALONE to MYSELF : )
they're just really stressed out and i don't want to be around them and will just avoid them as much as possible til they're gone i know that sounds childish but ; ) : ): )
they just seem so inept at managing this place, no wonder it's doing so horribly. i'm not saying i could do a better job, but their human resource management skills are just pathetic, ii really don't like how they treat myself and others. maybe i should tell them about it, but i'm not that brave i guess. and i don't want to make it into a confrontation or anything like that... and they're going to be gone in like probably( hopefully) a week? and i could potentially never run into them again. and obviously the problem i have with them is really a problem i have in myself.

i have such big ego and have a really hard time treating people fairly, especially myself vs them. my mind tells me like i'm better smarter stronger more whatever more better than this person and that person etc etc. and then if i don't feel that way then i feel insecure and threatened like this person is a threat to my dominant status and i dont like them because they have more power/money/ strength ./ good looks / whatever i see as a desireable trait or they have less undesirable traits than i do etc etc .
some part of my brain knows ok we're all equal in some way and all valuable and strengths / weaknesses and if we were all exactly the same manifestation in some way it would be boring. and we can complement each other and if only we could cooperate like bees or ants or something we wouldn't be facing any of the issues we're struggling with today like famine/water/pollutionwar//etcetcetc.
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