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awa food journal
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 4:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

and meanwhile these crazy guys are eating meat here but i can't take off my shirt cause ... they don't want me to basically cause i'm so damn good looking and this guy doesn't want his girlfriend checking me out... ok i'm just kidding about that last part.
i don't think i can be under anyone's rules ever again... even if they make perfect sense... just not sure it's for me. of course... easy to not be under this person's rule... i can just move away from him... but the gooberment... not so easy.
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 4:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

there's just always some like... what if... what if... what if... where maybe the rules don't apply. i can only live by my own heart.

i suppose this feeling of superiority over others i have... whether due to... skills... possessions ( including the body), " knowledge " or whatever else... it's all so temporary, i could be rich one day and poor the next, smart one day and stupid the next, skilled at one thing and unskilled at another... and besides... if i have a masters degree or a million dollars or can lift 500 pounds... it's only because of luck... and god... and genetics... and LUCK and LUCK... even if you get "enlightened" or became breatharian" ... you were just following your own best interests and got damn lucky.... nothing so special in that.
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 5:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i was meditating yesterday morning ( 10.3 )
and this girl i havea crush on.. sort of popped into my head... which is normal... now sometimes i can kind of tune her out and go back to meditating but... was really difficult on this day... and my mind started constructing a fantasy about her and i will get together in future and have sex and play and massage and eat fruits and etc etc : ) ... now normally in this meditation you're supposed to say " ok, mind has wandered away" and come back to observing your respiration or sensation or whatever, but i was like well i'm enjoying this fantasy story the mind is creating, i will just see where it goes etc ...
so was just enjoying and trying not to judge myself like oh this is a horrible f##### up story i should feel guilty or something, no no no that would be crazy to think... and as u might imagine the meditation went by pretty quickly.. and after i went downstairs to lie down in my "bed" for a few minutes b4 breakfast and i noticed i ejaculated a little bit , and it definitely happened during that meditation because i'm pretty sure i would of noticed if happened during my sleep. maybe it was like 10% of volume of a "nocturnal emission" i didn't really feel a b ig loss of energy afterwards like i SOMETIMES-often do with a wet dream.
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 5:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

ok TODAY 10.4.14 didn't work that hard but kind of had a rough day, one of the "bosses" was just pretty stressed out and criticizing me and i just walked out and went to lie down by myself for like 1/2 an hour. i know he has a lot going on and i want to be forgiving but i've just come to expect more from him and he's been not delivering lately, maybe he thinks the same of me. and now we only meditating 2 hrs a day instead of 3 and ... i want to go back to 3 myself personally ... i need it to deal with these people. and these other people here REALLY need 3 hrs a day themselves in my opinion

anyways i know generating a negative feeling in myself or eating my feelings like i did today won't help. also i'm running out of food and not sure i'll go to the market tomorrow morning to buy for the next week, which could be a pain in the butt ; ( i know it's like i should be like oh i'll just fast ad be breatharian but ... i don't have a license or any access to a car really and the logistics of bringing food back here from this market without a car are really crappy, but i know i'll work something out and i got like 40 pounds of bodyfat to lose, so i mean it's a totally ridiculous thing to even think about, but i'm an addict to bananas, what can i say.

anyways
meditated 2 hrs today
not really any sun to speak of
planted like 9 cococnut trees, i think 1 or 2 will surely survive to adulthood : ) maybe more.
foraged some oranges, and lemons : )
ate 2 small oranges

juice of 2 lemons
7 rice cakes
at least 6 # of bananas
juiced 1 whole crappy dole pineaplin my mouth it wasn't that bad.
had also maybe 4 big abius
and a really small portion of cooked potatoes/oil/salt/veggies,
maybe 200g total weight, was kind of spicy, and a little old, but tasted ok i guess,
also had 3 water of cococnuts, no meat
also had some water earlier and again w rice cakes of course

pretty sure thats it.
have a great night every1
i'm really feeling over writing aout every food i ate, i appreciate it but
i want toget less comp time in and just don't really feel like keeping track at all, we'll see
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AlwaysAnyWayFree



Joined: 29 Sep 2014
Posts: 27
Location: Florida, US

PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2014 2:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i guess hawaii would be ok for me. i like reading your journals and a saw your kenyafruit blog. i like all the tropical fruities your havin. making me miss my tasty nectary florida mangos. looks like you might be moving on soon. have you thought about where you might want to go?

if i was gonna go to hawaii, id need temporary place to stay in for a week or two while i find some comfortable nature area for me to peacefully squat on indefinitely, where nobody will harrass me. its gotta have a good amount of fruit trees for me to consistently forage, and some water, beach or stream not too too far.. i guess i can look for some workexchange thing like im thinking about for costarica.

i take it your not working atm, other than helping out at the center? did you save up enough money before you came to hawaii to be able to afford all the food your having now?


Last edited by AlwaysAnyWayFree on Mon Oct 06, 2014 2:50 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2014 4:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i have food stamps which is 330$ a month, and i have no money at all and sometimes really wish i was having some, but wat can u do? will be caretaking the land here for probably next 2 months or more., lot of fruit trees here, let me know if you find a spot that you describe anywhere. i can think of a few OK spots here, but it's like... crazy people think they "own" fruit trees... hope u ok with living on like strawberry guavas/ avocados/ fasting/ coconuts if u can climb them : ) not planning to leave island soon, no money for it, nowhere i want to go : ) i'm not working, not really thrilled to do work exchange. am working on some of my own stuff like planting etc but unfortunately it's still on a very small scale right now, hopefully i can ramp it up a bit money. i really want money to invest in myself but haven't found a job i love doing yet... and obviously working is a big trade off in terms of my time... and what else can i do keep begging friends/family for money? that isn't working so well. find a way to live without it?
ok i'm trying that... but there're definitely certain things i would like to possess.... that require money : ) like tools and a driver license and a vehicle/insurance/gas/registration i've never had that before but i know it's going to costa lot : ) or just try to get along without it?
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PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2014 4:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

10,5,14
meditated 2 hrs
work really hard, i'm still sore, surely will rest a lot today
i have no food left realy, might be on rice,potatoes,breadfruit this week
relieved to have this day done

ate :
abbout 6 pounds bananas
4 abius
a few longans
a few tomatoes
a few grapes
coconut water
meat of 1 young coconut
half a big mango

... think that's it
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AlwaysAnyWayFree



Joined: 29 Sep 2014
Posts: 27
Location: Florida, US

PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2014 6:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i just did a quick google search on homeless people foraging in hawaii. looks like the prissy meatheads in office overthere are annoyed about it like its some hideous way of life and are trying to get these people off the island like they think its their fhuhuck!ng territory and they have a right to mess with these peoples lives and determine their fate like they own them.

and then im seeing about how residents are getting heartless greedy possessive about their trees like its some big deal to let some simple deserving person freely take some healthy beautiful nurturing food for their bodyheartmindsoul??

i understand if some of these people are littering on the land their camping on, but ugghh-this world..its like society expects you to enslave yourself-- work a job, use money, pay for sh!t, pay for land, suburbia, permit/taxes/insurance, be fake, be part of this mindslut-b!tchslave prison-pawn society,--allthat, but they dont want you to live carefree, wild and natural and truly completely free?? like all the other billions of animals that have been and lived this way on this earth forever??
i dont get that sh!h.................

never had a vehicle or done the whole insurance/regist/papers thing either. just the whole idea of it use to make me worrisome and anxious made my heart race. maybe alittle still. i allways got around through somebody else.

never had em before, but strawberry guavas do look-sound tasty!

yeah, i wasnt too thrilled about doing any work either, includ. work exchange,, but its mostly planting/gardening which i love doing anyway, and for free shelter and vegan food in a beautiful fresh natural environment-- i could put up with that while i look for a nice little fruity fasting spot for me to call home.

so now i dont mind anymore putting in a little effort to get me going .

i guess now i gotta save up like around $6oo. i feel like that would a good number for me for costarica to get me started. that would more than cover my $300+ flight, plus a little food money just in case.
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2014 7:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

actually i know of some good foraging spots i will show u : ) there is so much food going to waste here .
strawberry guavas are ok, but pineapple guavas are really nice. : )
there are a lot of great ppl here, and a lot of fruitarians that ... need to like network better i feel and come together, but this is a real possibility with internet etc

me too same with the car insurance BS stuff ... it's really easy to hitch hike here, probably even easier for u than me.
can u get food stamps or don't want to? work xchange can be fun if you find the right situation.
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AlwaysAnyWayFree



Joined: 29 Sep 2014
Posts: 27
Location: Florida, US

PostPosted: Mon Oct 06, 2014 8:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i did the food stamps briefly a couple years back but, i didnt wasnt ok with it, for some reason.. something about it..i went thru a real worried paranoid stage and didnt want to have anythign to do with goobermunt. if i went to hawaii though, i dont think id get back on it. maybe just forage and work alittle, do favors/labor for some cash if im wanting alot of food that bad.

i guess im being a little too cranky about stuff and overreacting to the stupid headlines on the internet. i can see it on my posts. maybe i should just be more chill, like id like to be, and let things come to me free from the universe..

Quote:
... it's really easy to hitch hike here, probably even easier for u than me.


...and, um... about that.. i can see how ive been leading people on to think otherwise, and i hope none of you guys are offended by this, because this has got to be the most open and understanding and aware group of people out there, but im a guy.. and so yeah part of my frustrated story i talked about in another thread is with my male partner..
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Posts: 140

PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 6:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I was wondering, that's cool. i don't feel misled at all : ) hawaii is very open about whatever ur lifestyle is for the most part,

I actually feel really conflicted about taking food stamps. but i figure it's keeping more local produce in hands of local people that might otherwise get exported off the island and therefore be lower quality cause it's picked unripe and more would go to waste i think in a variety of manners. so i feel like gooberment using to subsidize local farmers, which i would be ok with, even though it seems crazy, the economy here is really weird. and also i like to eat a lot of food so ... and as long as i'm stuffing myself with all this crap, i might as well get the best quality crap i can.

I've had real trouble manifesting money lately, but i guess i don't need it that bad, probably for the best i don't have any, would just buy drugs/ excitement/ entertainment / crazy stuff. but at the same time, i really would like to have some money just like 100k or 1 million or something. but the problem is i'm lazy and don't want to do any work for it. i just want it to like magically appear. i'm trying to get myself open to that... like maybe i can win the lottery or something.
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PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 6:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

10.6.2014

ate:
2.5# bananas
5ish abius
maybe a pound of lettuce
a sm tomato
4 passionfruits
2.5+# sweet potatoes ( wow reallyo verate , got super lethargic afterwards
climbed a coco tree : )
drank 4 coco's water
some reg water
that's all i can remember, no fat today really,
not much sun or sungazing unforatunetly
some pus is still coming out of my leg really slowly, doesn't feel infected so not gonna pee on it yet.
sat around on computer for way too long today, watched some stuff about nudism / naturism / people urnning around naked, it was kind of cool, was kind of weird, i didn't really get aroused much , i haven't watched porn in a long time, it's not like i'm proud of that, i just haven't really wanted to. or haven't masturabted either. was really tired / sore today. I really got to cut back comp time A LOT, but i think i will in next week or so. hope sooner L1
1!!!!
<3<3<#
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AlwaysAnyWayFree



Joined: 29 Sep 2014
Posts: 27
Location: Florida, US

PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 2:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hey, yeah, thanks for being all cool and understanding. :]
i feel like if im gonna be on the internet, this would be the only place for me, and i didnt want to be resented here for something so small.

i feel the sameway about eating. i like to eat alot at a time and as long as im eating it must be the best. and man am i really feeling like some dense sweet ripe spotty bananas this morning or some other dense fruit [like nectarry mangoes or pineapples... mmmm..]. been in a sort of weak pre-fasting mode since yesterday evening for not eating. i didnt go out to get food and i get tired easily.
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AlwaysAnyWayFree



Joined: 29 Sep 2014
Posts: 27
Location: Florida, US

PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 6:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

hey, i was just lookin at your kenyafruit blog again. i really like your 'pahoa lava flow' post. it got me real excited for hawaii and i decided to check out your area, puna/pahoa?, on google maps. it looks quite peaceful and forested, and theres no real towns around for far far away, and even where there are buildings, they are sparse and few. also looks like theres some farmland around

..not saying that ill come over tomorrow and crowd up your sanctuary there. unless im welcome. you just got me real interested in hawaii now. ;}

btw, how are you getting on the internet? is there wifi on your center?
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Tue Oct 07, 2014 9:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

there is wifi here for ... i think foreseeable future... but i'm about to be downgraded to a real crappy laptop and hopefully that will stop me from being on comp so much.
there is a clothing optional beach here maybe i mentioned, lot of drugs down there, but also some super cool ppl and dolphins and obviously its pretty liberateing to be somewhere you can legally sunbathe naked I know thatsounds like crazy but i enjoy it.

people are very welcoming here, i will try to help u as much as possible but... i don't want to give u any expectations ... u know? i'm pretty loose / transient at times and i'm not really looking for a partner or 12 disciples or friendship or anything like that but if it happens hopefully i'll be open to it. right now i haven't had much alone time in a long time and am not in the best space because of it, but am working through it , trying 2 stay more centered in myself

I really enjoy many things about puna area, and everyone's leaving but like... THE FREAKIN LAVA IS COMING AND WE"RE GOING TO BE CUT OFF FROM CIVILIZATION AND I WILL STARVE TO DEATH WITHOUT MY GMO FED PIG FLESH1 ! ! !
actually most of the locals are pretty laid back about it, but it could be a real serious problem, we might have to like ... forage fruit and live like monkeys and not have gasoline and clothing and electricity and stuff... it could get pretty horrible here. i might move to another part of the island if the lava crosses the main highway, which could happen in 2-3 months. we'll see what happens. will keep you all updated as long as i have internet, cause i'm sure you'll all biting your fingernails checking my blog every 25 minutes to see how many xx,000 calories i ate each day
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