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Does the changing sky and weather give u a peculiar feeling?

 
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AlwaysAnyWayFree



Joined: 29 Sep 2014
Posts: 27
Location: Florida, US

PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 1:55 am    Post subject: Does the changing sky and weather give u a peculiar feeling? Reply with quote

i think ill be dual posting sometimes on here and my blog: alwaysanywayfree.blogspot.com
this post feels like something i would like to share on the forums as well, but the pictures i put on the end my blog post might give you a greater sense of how im feeling.

So theres a real big dark hard storm coming into central missouri right now. i think they just sounded some emergency alarms/sirens in town a while ago.
Makes me think of how ever since i started growing spiritually and consciously a couple years ago, the state of the sky has had a real effect on me. like whenever there's a completely clear infinite deep blue sky all around as far as you can see, it makes me a little [or alot] nervous or anxious and vulnerable.
i feel like something big is coming like some giant mad white moon could suddenly appear outta nowhere in the sky and come crashing down [like that old zelda game majorasmask]. or like a blackhole will instantly flash open right there and suck everything in.

i get uneasy in my mid area like my body is in a panic mode and wants to clear out everything inside of it in one big massive log like it's preparing for this big event.

however, on a dark, cool cloudy/stormy day, i feel safer and protected, all the giant eyes in space cant see me no more, and i feel like a child of the storm.

i really love it when you can see the really dark incoming storm over there yander and feel the fresh smelling cool breeze before it hits.

I want to walk out in the rain onto the edge of the hill, let the rain bring my hair down to the sides of my face, and as the wind is about to lift me and carry me off the edge, i feel like i could have this beautiful transformational event where my body disintegrates like a fine dust or ash, the wind blows me away, and i then become the wind and nothing can touch me.

or as im standing there i melt into the rain or i explode into a million raindrops going in all directions and then i come back together again as a walking blue water body.

I've been feeling this way alot [and even way moreso when my body is flushed clean on the inside and only two or3 days into a fast] like im on the very verge of becoming a different body.
i start vibrating in my heart and my soul and in my body, and i can actually feel my body loosening up in to many fine pieces, about to disintegrate and then recombine as an elemental body or whatever i feel. fire. a hot bright dancing fire body.. or a wispy smoke/fog body.. or a light-bouncing prism diamond rainbow light body.
bepeacebelovebefreeeh...
i feel ultimate in the rain.


Last edited by AlwaysAnyWayFree on Thu Oct 02, 2014 10:03 pm; edited 2 times in total
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RBE



Joined: 09 Jun 2014
Posts: 86

PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 7:11 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

What an incredibly beautiful post. I feel also my being will transform. I see returning completely to source and then obviously no clue. When i totally let go. I also feel good after three days fasting. What keeps you from continuing?
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AlwaysAnyWayFree



Joined: 29 Sep 2014
Posts: 27
Location: Florida, US

PostPosted: Thu Oct 02, 2014 11:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

RBE wrote:
What an incredibly beautiful post. I feel also my being will transform. I see returning completely to source and then obviously no clue. When i totally let go. I also feel good after three days fasting. What keeps you from continuing?


ohthankyou. that means alot to me for you to say that. :]
youknow, im.. i was never exactly sure what "returning to source" would be. i guess none of us that are still here in this world would know, but i feel like it would really just be becoming your godly self again in whatever image you see yourself as and being able to make any experience you desire---bodily transformations, instantaneous creation, elemental manipulation/bending, teleportation, image projection, dimensional crossings, terraforming, dream delving, and so and so on.

i wonder though if our eternity is one long continuous uninterrupted stream of experiences where you are constantly aware & awake and moving around, going places, doing things, interacting with beings/people, or i wonder if there are any gaps of restful darkness in our eternity, like closing your eyes and going to sleep, minus the dreams, and then becoming aware again when your ready to have experiences again.
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AlwaysAnyWayFree



Joined: 29 Sep 2014
Posts: 27
Location: Florida, US

PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2014 12:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

RBE wrote:
...... I also feel good after three days fasting. What keeps you from continuing?


well, i would love to fast for at least a week at a time [or until i just finally freakin become my powerful godself again no matter how long it takes, like jesus and moses--i'll getinto that last part later],, but about the third or fourth day into a fast, my growing bodily fatigue is just too great for me to handle at this point [hopefully that will get better for me eventually], so right now i can only do multiple short mini fasts.

and on top of that im in this stressful polluted suburban environment where there is either too much work for me or for anybody, or i feel like i am expected to getup,stayup,and awake and strong and ready, constantly contribute, work hard, maintain, cleanuppickup, do this, do that or do anything no matter how small or tiny, because there is this crazy, noisy, constantly-busy energy around me on me in me that won't let you feel completely relaxed and able to just take off all the time in the world to fast until you finally become superpowered and able to escape this crazy stampede of a world.

plus...[gosh-itneverendsfor-me].. im in this terrible relationship with somebody who's fullov nasty intolerable habits, stubborn ideas & attitudes about life and the world, dozens of attachments, contagious stresses and anger from his long veryhardworking life..
...when i met him, i was just like anybody else in the world who just wasnt quite yet aware of the bigger and greater things in the universe. but soon enough i started to go through this evolution and become so senitive and affected by everthing, including him. now i really truly feel like we can't betogether anymore.. not since ive changed so much.. even though i do truly care about him and love him, his life is just to big a deal and stressful and overwhelming for me to be a part of. and boy, he's done for much for me, provided everything for me... it breaks my heart to pieces that i could do this because he says he wants to build a life together with me, but alotof the time, im still just really unhappy with him...

...so aAALLLL of that shick puttogether is just waaay too much for me. i can't put up with deal with all that AND fast at the same time. i just gotta get away from all that.that's why i can't fast verylong.. gotta be somewhere else. for me, there just cannnot be absolutely ANY degree of work or stress or anything expected of me from anybody, in order for me to fast ..

right now, in my heart and my mind, im just in a wait...trying to saving up enough odd dollars to be able to relocate....


Last edited by AlwaysAnyWayFree on Fri Oct 03, 2014 4:06 pm; edited 1 time in total
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RBE



Joined: 09 Jun 2014
Posts: 86

PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2014 5:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow yeah you remind me of myself in a lot of ways. I also.had someone who wanted to provide for me, build a life etc but he was not awake at all and i was moving into vegan at the time. Now he would think i was crazy if he knew i wanted to be off food for good lol. He was also.a hard worker and very involved in material. But i, too love him dearly.
I also need to be in a comfortable quiet space but that could be a tent in the forest for me. Which is where Im headed this weekend.
I think we have ample opportunity in the spirit realm to learn more there and then go back to form again? Not certain but have heard such things.
I hope you can save enough money soon. Or just go into the wilderness with a tent?
Xo
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AlwaysAnyWayFree



Joined: 29 Sep 2014
Posts: 27
Location: Florida, US

PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2014 6:12 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

i thought about taking off into the woods somewhere ..., but in my region, south florida, heck, even just all of florida, its a wet flat swampy/marshy mosquito alligator infested hellhole.
for the longest though, i thought about getting a ride on some rideshare sites to try to get outside of the state as i have no personal transport, but that seemed too complicated as the routes people were taking didnt work for me and they were just going straight back into other cities. i would have had to arrange or hitch too many rides and shell out so much money for gas and food and whatnot.

the best option for me right now would be to fly out from south florida in a few months [as im visiting in missouri right now] to costa rica as its dirt cheap since its a popular destination from there. i have quick little thoughts now and then about going to thailand, but thats a hellovalot more money and more effort and worry to put into.
i already know spanish pretty well so i can probably get around costa rica alot more comfortably

i just checked cheapoair.com. it looks like the cheapest one-way flights for like the next 12months are mid-october/novem. for $131 and mid-feb for 131 also. the rest of the year, its either 181 or around 177, but even thats not too much. although i will need a little extra for taxi transportation when i get there or whatever random little thing comes up ... ihmm.. i could have somebody pickmeup.. when i get back down to florida, im gonna sell some of my unused electronics and thatll bring me up pretty fast.

..See, a while back i found this great work-exchange site called volunteerbase [dot] com. its free unlike that wwoof site or workaway.info . lots of great fruit/food forest eco-projects you can be a part of and contribute to in exchange for food and accomodation. i found a nice one for me in CR, but i havent contacted them yet. im gonna wait a few months and see when im ready to depart my old life here... oh boy its gonna be sad..
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RBE



Joined: 09 Jun 2014
Posts: 86

PostPosted: Fri Oct 03, 2014 7:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wow that's cheap!!! I guess i always have the feeling i don't need to go anywhere, but it would be for fun. Thanks for that free site. I was checking out wwoof and saw some cool things.
For me, though, i want to do a long fast first before i make any plans. Otherwise i don't know what i would want to do. I feel that i would just be wandering around guessing and being pulled and swayed in different directions and there will be lots of eating and socializing...
Worth a shot though if it's that cheap to get there!
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AlwaysAnyWayFree



Joined: 29 Sep 2014
Posts: 27
Location: Florida, US

PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 2:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
I guess i always have the feeling i don't need to go anywhere


i think i used to feel like that at one point, but i am always tormented here, and it hurts, i can feel my heart, it feels blue and empty , and i just want to cry all the time.
i find myself, alotofthetime, having this empty far-off gaze, wishing that i could just not be in this dark cituation anymore, wanting to be somewhere else, seeing myself sitting on the sand on a quiet beach at night.. crying my heart out, bleeding hard all my suffering and emotion and love right there into the sand, a dark stain, and then i evolve right then an there..

i see alot of that on here. where people say that they dont need to go anywhere or they say that where you are and what cituation your in doesnt matter, that your problems will always stick with you no matter where you go, that you could just push through it wherever you are and master your being and overcome your obstacles?------and im like--WTF?! what?!?!-----------but im not trying to master sh!t or prove myself to me to or anybody, im just doing what i feel in my heart. and hellazyeaAh location matters!! the people in it, the activity there, the state of it, lack of nature, polluted air, the stresses, the stale energies there---that aint no sh!t to master! ifeel stuck here. and if that sh!t is constantly there, its like how the fuhq far do i think imgonnago here in-this-place??

and i know that changing these things for me will help immensely. yeah, all my hurt will stay with me nomatter where i go, but fine, im ok with my sadness and my sorrows, ill work through my hard times in my new place, and i will cry and cry and fast until i butterfly out!
peace.


Last edited by AlwaysAnyWayFree on Mon Nov 03, 2014 1:59 pm; edited 10 times in total
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AlwaysAnyWayFree



Joined: 29 Sep 2014
Posts: 27
Location: Florida, US

PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 3:05 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Quote:
For me, though, i want to do a long fast first before i make any plans. Otherwise i don't know what i would want to do. I feel that i would just be wandering around guessing and being pulled and swayed in different directions and there will be lots of eating and socializing...


im thinking wen i get finally get down there in CR, ill do the whole helping out thing and contributing, and eating good great food and fruit. idontmindhaving the biggestbestestluscioustest mangoes of my life.. but after sometime and getting comfortable and familiar with the area, ill break away, takesometimeoff for a fast on the beach under the stars or on a hill or something and tent up and camp out. and if i dont completely de-materialize right then and there, ill just head back and forth from the village and keep working out my life there...

love
<3
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Sat Oct 04, 2014 10:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

how cheap do you think costa rica is? u know u have to cross the border every 3 months and pay money to "renew" your "visa" come to hawaii : ) just kidding
check out helpx.net ,
rawtreat.weebly.com
or my friend pom sometimes in CR fruitariancommunity.tk

BUT
seriously come ot hawaii. don't want to discourage you but ... you will really have to let go of everything, wish you best luck in breaking free of your relationship when time is ripe. will take a lot of courage. we will not be here to support you. xoxo
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AlwaysAnyWayFree



Joined: 29 Sep 2014
Posts: 27
Location: Florida, US

PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 12:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Awareness wrote:
how cheap do you think costa rica is? u know u have to cross the border every 3 months and pay money to "renew" your "visa"


...yeaahh..its as cheap as i want it to be. i dont plan on playing that game with any gooberment.. and i dont have too many attachments, so itd be a oneway trip for me and never comeback.. i did just take a quick look through that fruitariancommunity.tk . i donno if theyre charging anything to be a part of that though, but i dont even plan on trying to get more or spend more money. i want to be free of that, be on my own, and get beyond all this money/countries/borders/passport s###.. the world has got to be fhuhck!ng free already. foreverybody. in evverry-way.
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Awareness



Joined: 25 Mar 2013
Posts: 140

PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 3:34 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

cool... what u need money for? you can just forage. and it's not like we need to eat to eat anyways

what if some police guy is like hey u got a passport? ID? papers? or u feel like leaving costa rica, but i can't cross border. just hop on a sailboat? or what if u get off the airplane to costa rica and they're like, you gotta pay 50$ for visa , proof of funds, etc

that is a bummer you don't have personal vehicle i don't have my driver license and it's really inconvenient at most times. is your husband controlling? why not just tell him the truth? what is the worst that will happen? he will kill you? maybe will bring about big change for the better in his life even if you split up. can you divorce him and take half his money? or just going to leave in the middle of the night or something and not say where ur going?
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AlwaysAnyWayFree



Joined: 29 Sep 2014
Posts: 27
Location: Florida, US

PostPosted: Sun Oct 05, 2014 4:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

yeah i got passport and id and sutff. ill just need some starting money to actually fly over there initially.. though you just brought up something important for me to look up.........................
.....so it says on the cr website, americans and other nationalities dont need visa to enter, just passport and a roundtrip ticket to exit. so i guess ill do that. ill pay for a return then, whichll probably at least double the cost, but thatll give me enough time to come to terms with the fact that im gonna do this...

so, although im gonna be paying for a roundtrip now, i wont really bother flying back. notlike theyre gonna be keeping tabs on me like i got some microchip under my skin. ill just stay at the village i decided on and forage and help out for my food and accomodation.. once i get comfortable enough there and can find some time off from my duties, ill start fasting and working on GTFO of this world so i can start tryin to fix all the sh!t wrong with. maybe i might just break off completely from the village at one point and go out on my own and camp out somewhere safe so i can fast indefinitely.

about the police part. i don't think ill have that problem since i will be in a more rural area by the jungle. but if i do encounter somebody, i guess ill just act casually like a native person and coax my way. my spanish is convincing enough.. and if that dont work.. i could do something personal for him and slide on by, if you catch my drift...

i dont know what i would do if, for whatever reason, i would really want to leave and go back. maybe do the sailboat thing, or seduce my way onto a yacht???. i couldnt think of any reason to go back other than maybe my partner instantly changes his life drastically and cries for me to come back before he kills himself.. and even then i would have to think about it... gosh this is so sad..

and about my partner. hes not my husband.. weve just been together for four years. he knows all about me and were i want to be in my life. ive cried about it so many times. and hes afraid of when the time comes but tries not to think about it too much.. he isnt controlling or violent to me, but always very frustrated all the time about this life and it really affects me.. all the time, i think about just suddenly leaving, silently one day, or one night, not even letting him know im booking a flight.. i have these dreams.. it would be such a beautiful tragic thing if i did it that way.. and probably not contact him for months, and then one day, if im even still in this world for whatever reason, call him or drop him an email to see if hes ok..
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